Why Shinobi Shouldn't Read Fanfiction
by Emerald Tiara
Summary: A clear example of the chaos caused by ninjas finding fanfiction. What happens when a group of Konoha shinobi are intorduced to the horror that is Mitsuki, the MarySue?
1. With A Bang And A Crash, It Begins

**This is inspired by crazyroninchic's **_**Never Leave Fanfiction Lying Around.**_** Two other crazyroninchic-inspired stories that I know of are also out there, and you should check them out: **_**Never Leave fanfiction Lying around Star Wars**_** by BrightSideoftheDark, and alsdssg's **_**Why Canon and Fanon Don't Mix.**_

**Mitsuki means "full moon."**

**So without further ado, I bring thee **_**Why Shinobi Shouldn't Read Fanfiction.**_

"Naruto-kun! Sakura-chan!" screamed Shizune. "Help! Tsunade-sama collapsed!" Naruto dropped his ramen and ran to Shizune. Sakura quickly followed.

Inside the Hokage tower, the three ninjas looked at the fallen Hokage. Sakura quickly took in the situation, rolled her eyes, and stamped her foot softly on the ground. The resulting mini-explosion woke Tsunade up quickly.

"Hey, Tsunade-baa-chan, why'd you fall over?" asked Naruto. Tsunade glared at him for the nickname, but held up a hardcover book that was covered with pink fur.

"What…is…THAT?" gasped Sakura. She grabbed the book and opened to the title page. _"__Ryomance U__ndo__er the M__ounli__gt S__ky, by prettyfairyunicorn27._ Shishou, what the hell is this?"

"I'm not sure," replied the Hokage grimly. "But we have to investigate it, and it looks dangerous. Shizune, round up a few of the chuunin and jonin and Jiraiya and tell them to get ready for a story."

"Yes, Tsunade-sama," said Shizune, and she left.

"Shishou…you're not seriously going to read this?" asked Sakura tentatively.

"Oh yes I am," answered Tsunade. In half an hour Kiba, Hinata, Tenten, Jiraiya, Ino, Neji, and Kurenai were gathered in the Hokage library.

"Okay, you have all been called here to help us investigate a potential threat. Just looking at it caused Tsunade-sama to faint," said Shizune. "We will each take turns reading, one chapter at a time. If anyone new comes in, they have to read the next chapter. Any questions?" asked Tsunade. "No? Good. I will begin, with the prologue."

_Mitsuki loked tha door of her Tokyuo apratmant. As she wlaked dow the street all the men fainteded from huuuuuuuuge nosebleedz._

"Does this…prettyfairyunicorn27-shi have no concept of spelling?" asked Kurenai, looking over Tsunade's shoulder.

"Apparently not," murmured Tsunade. "This is just awful. Now shut up and let me get this over with."

_They __wer__ getting __thair__nosebellds__ because she was __soooo__beayootiful__. Omg! I __fergot__ to describe her!__Anywayss__, Mitsuki has long, butt-length red hair, not like orange __heair__ but __bloodyred__ hair. It was __soooo__sexhay__. Oh __ahnd__ there __wuz__backl__ streaks __init.__ And her __eyez__ was a __purty__deep__;gold__ that __shinied__ like the sun.__ She had __plae-tnanned__ skin_

"Sorry," interrupted Neji, "but is it possible for skin to be both pale AND tan?" He looked at the medical ninja for help.

"Uh…" Ino thought for a minute. "No. No, it's not possible. Be logical, Neji-san. This girl has red and black hair. Is ANY of this possible?"

"AHEM!" yelled Tsunade. "Can I PLEASE be allowed to finish this prologue so I ca stop holding this pink monstrosity?"

"Hey, don't hate pink!" objected Naruto, glancing at Sakura.

"AHEM!" the Hokage screamed. "SHUT UP!"

_She had __plae-tnanned__ skin and a __bod__ that was think __biut__ not __tooo__thinn__. She was __crurvy__ and had a really great chest. It was __boig__, but not like, slut-big, __cuz__ that __woulad__ be __groass__ and slutty and __maek__her a__ hussy__ like __Sunadie_

Tsunade stopped reading in utter shock. Jiraiya looked away so as to hide the smile on his face. Hinata was barely holding back laughter. Shizune let out a low whistle. "She went too far with that one."

Tsunade narrowed her eyes at the book. "WHAT did she just do? How the hell does she think my name is spelled? And WHAT exactly makes me a whore?"

"Let it go, shishou. Let it go," said Sakura. "Think happy thoughts. This is a stupid girl with a stupid life. You the best medical ninja in the world and you are the Hokage of Konoha. She is small. She is nothing. Let it go."

Tsunade sighed. "Alright Sakura, but I don't know how long I can take this."

_so __anywayz__ she was __walkiing__ to __shcoole__, but __shde__ didn't __relly__neaed__ to go __cuz__ she was so smart1._

"Why is there a 1 instead of an exclamation point?" asked Kiba with mild interest.

Tsunade shrugged. "That's what it says."

Jiraiya spoke up. "I believe this is what we would call a Sue, Tsunade. It is basically a self-insert wherein a female author will make herself perfect. They come from a world where the history of the Shinobi nations is written down as a popular manga. They constantly use something known as 'chat speak' although I don't know why chat speak uses multiple numbers."

"H-how do you k-know this, J-jiraiya-sama?" asked Hinata.

"I learned of it while travelling. It's really quite disturbing."

Tsunade coughed loudly.

_On her __waiy__ to __schkool__, Mitsuki __felt a __shrap__stabuing__ pain in her stomach. it was painful __beyong__word.s__. She was two __ladylikel__ to scream, but instead __shet__feltttt__ herself fall to the __grondh__. At that __momentn__ a car ran __orver__ her._

"What's a car?" asked Tenten. Tsunade shrugged and kept reading.

_she __fetl__ no pain and saw a __brighit__ whit light._

"I thought she was feeling sharp stabbing pain beyond belief a second ago?" said Naruto. "How did it just suddenly disappear?"

"Welcome to the world of the Sues, Naruto," said Ino wistfully.

_Wen__ she __opnedn__ her __eys__ a __pairir__ of __stunnign__ blue eyes were staring her in the face…_

_Naruto __Uzumaki_

Silence.

"Oh, HELL no."

**The italics are when they're reading from "Ryomance Undoer a Mounligt Sky." If you didn't know that already. Anyway, sorry ****its**** so short. But this, my friends, is only the prologue. More to come, hopefully soon.**

**Oh God, do you know how PAINFUL this was to type? I am an OCD must-have-perfect-spelling author. Writing Mitsuki's story was torture.**


	2. That's Next Chapter, Sillies!

**Aaaaaaaaaand we're back. My screen looked like it was ****bleeding,**** there were so many red lines. I had to disable spell-check. **

**I dunno if it's clear or not in this, but _Ryomance_**_**Undoer a Mounligt Sky**** takes place shortly after Tsunade becomes Hokage and ****sometime before Sasuke leaves, and Why Shinobi Shouldn't Read Fanfiction**_** takes place sometime between the Sasuke and Sai Arc and the Hidan and Kakuzu Arc. But Sai and Yamato aren't in this, because I don't feel like writing them in.**

**Alright. New chapter. Here we go.**

Jiraiya laughed long and hard. "Wow, Naruto. Do you have any idea what you're in for?"

"Um….no?"

"This Sue has chosen you as her guy! I'm not going to tell you what happens next, you'll find out soon enough."

Shizune gave him a reproving look. "That's mean, Jiraiya-sama."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, someone start reading." Jiraiya looked around to find out who was next. "Sakura, you're up."

"Dammit," muttered the kunoichi. "Shishou, surrender the book."

"Gladly," announced Tsunade. "Here you go. Good luck and have fun."

"This book is a disgrace to the color pink," declared Sakura. She opened it and began to read.

_"Woaow you are soooooobeayootiful," siad Naruto. "What is yuor name?"_

_Mitsuki blushsed and gigled. "I am Hoshigawa Mitsukiwhu are u?"_

_"AI amUzummaki Naruto!"Behnind Naruto Mitsuki saw a gril with pnik hair. Shew as soooooouglyt, like who has pknehiar_

"WHAT THE HELL! YOU HAVE RED AND BLACK HAIR! THERES NOTHING WRONG WITH MY HAIR!" screamed Sakura. "BITCH!"

The rest of the group looked a little freaked out. "Calm down, Sakura-chan," said Tenten. "It's okay. We don't see anything wrong with your hair."

_Nxet to the ugly pinkhaed was a hawt pale byo wiht black hair. he was hawt_

"She said that already," interrupted Ino. "Why is she repeating herself?"

"I don't know. Because she's crazy, Ino-chan," said Kiba. "That's why." Sakura glared at the whole room and continued reading.

_He wasr even cutter then Naruto. the boiy lookrd at her. "I am Uchiha Sasuke," he siadsmiply. Mitsuki looked t him and eh lokedboack Evryeyone could feel teh love in the rai_

_"_Is she saying love in the air, or love in the rain?" asked Hinata.

Naruto shook his head sadly. "Who knows, Hinata? Who knows?" Hinata's eyes widened and her face turned bright red. Thankfully she managed not to faint.

"I stand corrected, Naruto, and be grateful that I do. You're not the lust object, Sasuke is," commented Jiraiya.

"I never thought I would one cay be GLAD that Sasuke-teme beat me at something..."

_"Whoere did yu come form?" the pinkhead asked stpuidley. "YOujre not from Nkonoha. She couold be a enemy ninji,"the stupid gril said to Naruto and SASuke_

Kurenai interrupted Sakura. "NINJI? Is she trying to say NINJA?" Sakura closed her eyes and waited. Kurenai looked at her. "Oh! Sorry, Sakura, keep reading."

_Sasuke roleed his eyez. "WHAt a stupd questin, Saukra. Smomeone so sexhay is obviboulsy not and enemy!"_

Naruto was losing the fight to hold back his laughter. Sakura gaped. "Sasuke-kun would NEVER use the word 'sexhay'! And it was NOT a stupid question! I mean come on, the girl Kin from the Chuunin Exams was pretty enough, but SHE was evil! Gimme a break!"

_"I mnea LOOK at herr. She is sooooooprettyyy and noobodi that's evli is thguispreety!" excplamed Sasuke. "so SCREU u sakrua."_

Sakura gaped. She stared at the book for several minutes in silence.

"Wow," muttered Ino. Sakura raised a fist and punched the book as hard as she could. It didn't even dent it.

"The works of Suethors are often indestructible," offered Jiraiya. Sakura took a deep breath and resumed reading. "Why did I get such a long chapter?" she complained.

_THe hawt boys and the bicth HaroonoSakrua went back to knonah to see Tnusadek. But on teh way tehy were atckated!_

_Sevn sound ninjaae jmuped out of the buishes and attcakedthe.m. The uselesds bithc Sajura wass imediatly defeated and so wes Naruto ans Sasuke even tho they ptu up a good fite_

_Mitsuki was arfaid But she qwickly overcomed her fear andd defeted the shinibi. SHe had no woudns, but she sdudenlyfel to the grownd and idd not stir._

_"Mitsuki-chan!" Sasuke rshued to her side. "We haev to take her 2 c Asunate. Olnly she can heel Mitsuki-chan!"_

_Wen they got to Koinaha Nusade loooekd at Mitsuki and gspaed. "Thsi girl is the contayner of the 8-talied denom wolf! She is clerly a great ninja!"_

"Shizune!" barked Tsunade.

"Yes, Tsunade-sama!" the woman jumped to attention.

"I want you to tell me I'm dreaming."

"Tsunade-sama, you're dreaming," Shizune assured her.

"Don't worry, Tsunade, this type of behavior is normal for Sues. They try to make themselves martyrs, of give themselves some reason to be pitied or loved or called a hero."

"HEY!" screeched Sakura. "I'M TRYING TO READ HERE!"

_"She must be assined to a teem iimediatly! She will be a wunderful adishun to Kohona's ninjas!"_

"I BEG your pardon?" gasped Tsunade. "WHAT?"

"This girl is obviously the offspring of idiots," murmured Shizune.

_Nustade looked at Mitsuki adndeclreaad that she woud be a genninand be put on Kakhsais teem._

_"But we arleadyy have therrepepole!" ojbectedSaruka. Mitsuki roled her eyes. She knoew Suraka was just jelous of the .love betewen her and Sasuke._

_"Yes Sakurd btu Mitsuk-chan is a wonderfulll persen and will amke are team much beter!" cied Sasuke pasionatly_

"If Sasuke Uchiha ever cried anything passionately, I MIGHT have to punch him for sheer strangeness," said Kiba in the silence that had followed that last line.

"OY! SHUT UP!" said you know who.

_After teHakoge said thei coud go, Sasuke and Mitsuki wadnered off.They were stadning on a picturesk bride over a river jsut injoying eech others presents when sudenli Sasuke kissed Mitsuki on the mowth. "I lurv you Mitsuki-chan!"_

_Mitsuki kissed him bak and thned they went back to Sasuke's hous wher they kised passinately. He restled her to the groudn and they kissd some more._

"...ew," was the collective response. Neji blinked. "That's disgusting. They're really going to do THAT in the first chapter?"

"No," said Sakura. "They're not. It's the end of the chapter. Now shut up and let me finish the author's note and review responses."

_Hey, its the author! No, sillys, they not going to do THAT in the fris chapoter! Thatsf or next chapter! betcha cant wait!_

_okay here r the revyue respons'!_

_HughesHanajimaHilariaHypocrite: wtf man ur name is waaaay to long, NO Mitsuki's not a sue! and wats wrog with tat?_

_Draye: TIS IS NOT A BAD STRY! there nothhng worng with being purrfect_

_Nikushimi no Ai: fuk you Mitsuki is not a sue and it IS posibul to have hiarlyke that! sofuc you!_

_Anhywayz thats all the reivews i egt ppl havnt revewd cuz teyre too styuned by my amazing Mitsuki! next chapter is the dirty stuff! betcha cant wait!_

"I feel so violated," muttered a new voice. Everyone's heads shot up.

"SASUKE!" screamed the entire room.

**Whoo boy. A cliffy but not really.**** So, yeah, what I'm doing is basically taking the reviewers I got and making them review prettyfairyunicorn27's story, because I don't feel like making up names. It's not me flaming you, it's her. **

**Yippie, everyone'****s favorite emo boy is here! Just in time to read about ****himself**** being molested! Since he's the newest person, he has to read next. This should be fun.**** See ya next time.**

**This is retarded. When I uploaded the document, it turned everything into italics, and deleted about half the spaces in the story.**


	3. Skankety SlutSlut

**I spilled Gatorade on the key board and I need a new computer. End of story.**

"HOLY CRAP! WHAT THE HELL! SASUKE!"

Sasuke winced. "I'd forgotten how _loud_ you all were."

"Shaddup and answer the question," snapped Tsunade. "Why are you here and where's Orochimaru?"

"Well, _technically,_ I was sent here to assassinate you, Hokage-sama. But after listening to a few sentences of this…thing," Sasuke said, looking at the book, "I decided it would be MUCH more interesting to stay here and read." He grinned.

"Oh, dear God, I think the apocalypse is coming," declared Hinata. "Did Sasuke-kun just…_grin?_"

"Did Hinata-sama just say something without stuttering?" asked Neji, just as in shock as Hinata.

Jiraiya looked over at the two girls. "Why aren't you two screaming yet?" Ino and Sakura were staring at Sasuke openmouthed.

"I think they're in shock," said Kiba uncertainly. "More to the point, why hasn't _Naruto_ said anything yet?"

"Because he's unconscious," said Kurenai. Indeed, Naruto was out cold on the floor. Tsunade raised an eyebrow and leaned over to him, and whispered in his ear. "Yondaime…_was a sissy!_" she jumped back.

"DAMMIT, BAA-CHAN!" screamed the orange ninja. "I TOLD YOU TO STOP DOING THAT! HE WAS NOT! Oh, hi Sasuke."

"Damn," muttered Jiraiya. "I was expecting more of a reaction! Naruto, you suck."

"Can we PLEASE focus?" yelled Shizune. "We have a missing-nin in the same room as the Hokage, and NO ONE IS DOIING ANYTHING RELEVANT."

"Uh…okay…so…Sasuke, YOU have to read now," announced Tsunade, ignoring Shizune's sputtering protests. "Whoever enters the room has to read next. House rules. And let's make a rule, shall we? No stabbing or killing until the story's over."

"THIS chapter?" Sasuke was clearly not happy. "This is the chapter where I get sexually molested."

"You went to Orochimaru, you should be used to it," muttered Kiba under his breath. Sasuke heard him.

"I walked right into that one," he remarked. "Orochimaru's not gay." Jiraiya and Tsunade stared at him, mouthing soundlessly. _HE'S NOT?? Whoa._

Sasuke let out a sigh and grabbed the book. Sitting down next to Sakura, he began to read.

_HI EVRY1! Its time 4 __evryoens__fav__ part!_

"Okay, I KNOW we all hate Sasuke-kun except for two people here, but can Sasuke-kun PLEASE not read this part?" begged Ino frantically. Tsunade also looked like she was rethinking her decision.

"Please, Sasuke, don't," asked Kiba. "Please??"

"Really, Sasuke-kun, DON'T," pleaded Hinata.

Sasuke raised his eyebrows and considered the group, all of whom were stuck in various states of begging and yelling. "You know what, I actually hate you all, so no, I won't skip it."

Thus was the group subject to prettyfairyunicorn27's horrid, perverted fantasies about Mitsuki and Sasuke. Even Jiraiya was freaked. But only a little.

Ino looked distinctly green. "That...is just not possible. No female is that flexible." Sakura was interested. "You know this how?" Ino reddened.

"I sincerely regret having to read that," confessed Sasuke. "But, you know, I want to keep reading so I can get this thing over with. So...shut up!"

_Aftrr__ tha6t they lied __topgether__int__ he __afterglo__ of __there__ love.__ "I __lurv__ u Sasuke," squid Mitsuki._

"SQUID Mitsuki?" laughed Kiba incredulously. "NOW I'm scared."

_Sasuke __smlied__ at her __andkissed__ her. _

"Oh dear God," cried Kurenai. "Not again!" Sasuke held up a finger. "Just wait."

_Befroe__ they could do __anething__ fun __tho__ there was a __nock__ on __teh__ door. "Sasuke-__kuuuuun__, we have to __meat__ with __Kakshahi-sensay__ now!" __whiend__Saskra_

_"__Awh__...I __watned__ to spend __som__mor__ time __wiht__ my Mitsuki-__chan__..." __wisperd__ Sasuke to Mitsuki. "Ok, __well__ be there __ion__ a __minit__!" he __yeleled__ to __SAKuru_

_Sakrua__ ran off to __crie__ after she __herd__ him __sya__ 'we.'_

Tenten laughed demonically. "Saved!"

_"__Befroe__ew__ go we __cna__ have __anothr__ quickie," Mitsuki said to Sasuke. And __theykised__eachopthr__—_

"DAMMIT!" screamed Tenten.

"I'm sorry but can I skip this PLEASE?" asked Sasuke.

"Sorry, kid," said Jiraiya. "You got yourself into this."

"Shut up, Jiraiya-sama," said an annoyed Shizune. "Pervert."

And so Sasuke read. By the end, everyone was in various states of incredulity. Tenten was screaming "WHY!" Naruto was rolling on the floor, Tsunade and Shizune were hiding under their chairs, etc, etc.

Sasuke closed his eyes. "God hates me."

"Ah, don't say that, Sasuke-kun!" said Sakura. "This is probably WAY more fun than training!" Sasuke just stared at her. "You are constantly insulted. Your name is misspelled multiple times. How are you having FUN?"

"Sakura-chan's an optimist, you know that already," called Naruto from the floor. "Keep reading and get it over with!"

"No, no! I'm next! Stall all you want!" screamed Tenten. Sasuke rolled his eyes.

_Wen__rhey__ went to c __Kakshai-sensay__he__loked__ast__ Mitsuki once and__ got a __nozbleed_

"You traitor, how could you?" sobbed Tenten. "IT'S MY TURN NEXT!"

Sasuke just waved her off. "Missing-nin, Tenten. Missing-nin. It's literal."

_"Oka we have a __mishin__ to go 2 __tha__bird __contry__ and __retreeve__ a __stloen__scrol__. SO pack __ur__ stuff __cuz__ we leave in __lyke__ 2 ours."_

_"__hey__ Sasuke-kun," __siad__ Mitsuki "__i__dont__ have a place to __liev__ so can __i__muv__ in __wit__ you?"_

_Sasuke __kissd__ her cheek "Sure Mitsuki-__chan__:" he __saud_

_Tunasde__ had __givn__her a__Konha__forhed__protecter__ and Mitsuki was __wereing__ it around her __nek.Wen__ they got __bakc__ to __Sasuke's__ house he __gpot__ his money and they went SHOPPIN! __cuz__ Mitsuki__ needed ninja cloths, __cuz__ she __kudent__fite__ in her jeans!_

_she__ got a fishnet __tanktp__ that she __wor__undoer__ a red __shit__ that __coverd__ only one __sholder_

"So she's a slut who can't spell. What else is knew?," askedHinata calmly. The rest of the group stared at her.

"Oh...my...god," said Ino. "Hinata! Wow!"

Sasuke counted to ten under his breath. When he finished and they still weren't done marveling at Hinata words, he just read over them.

_On __eech__ hand she had __sevral__ black __braslets__ and her __nials__ were __paintd__blak__. Her shirt exposed her __stumak__, and she has a skirt that had __a__inche__ of __fdishnet__anove__ it, and __ntheskit__ was black._

"Wow, she IS a slut," said Shizune in horror.

"You just noticed?" said six voices.

_"__woaw__yu__ look __hott__," __sed__ Sasuke. __"I __lve__ you Mitsuki-__chan__!"_

"That's the end," said Sasuke. Everyone sighed in relief. He was about to hand the book off to a reluctant Tenten when Tsunade grabbed his arm.

"You forgot the review responses."

_ILoveDennis__yuo__mothafucker__i__ahte__uuu__ so __mucxh__whya__ re you so mean to me?_

_Sea Moon Dragon: no Mitsuki-__chan__ is not a __su__and__ its __shudent__ give u a __hedake__thers__ nothing __rong__ with it!_

_Yondaime16: __omg__ thank you so __mcuh__im__ glad u __liike__ it!_

_Kontraband__ashshole_

_mizukaikage__teres__ nothing __rogn__ with my __spleling_

_Liah__Cauthon__: OMG no he __woudnt__ kill her he __kloves__ her you bitch and NO SASUKE-KUN __isnt__ gay how __dere__ you_

_nyuu__?: die, __bithc_

_SO tha5ts __hte__ next chapter! __bext__ time they got in a figth1!1_

A very relieved Uchiha tossed the book at Tenten. She caught is with a look of disgust.

**So, yeah! I'm actually working on a drawing of Mitsuki, I'll post it on when it's done, and I'll tell you when that is!**

**Thanks so much for all the reviews!**

**nyuu****?: haha, yeah I like that part, too! Thank you so much!**

**Liah****Cauthon****: he only ignored them because he's an asshole, not gay. Slash is the bane of all ****Suethors****. Does writing this story make me a Suethor? I am technically writing two stories at once...**

**mizukaikage****: thanks!**

**Kontraband****: horrible. You have no idea.**

**Yondaime16: I know, she's insane, right?**

**Sea Moon Dragon: Yup! This will leave him even more scarred for life than the massacre did!**

**ILoveDennis****: Yeah, you ****gotta**** be careful next time! Lethal weapons, pillows...**

**Why yes, I DID get the 'sissy' idea from the first episode of Scrubs. See y'all next time. Excited?**


	4. Don't Piss Tenten Off

**Mitsuki is now on deviantART, if anyone cares to see what she looks like. http :// emerald-tiara . deviantart . com/ art/ Mitsuki- ****75519353 (you know what to do with the spaces.)**

"Tenten…" sang Kurenai, silently thankful her turn was far away.

"Damn you all," muttered Tenten. She looked around the room furtively. "Hey, Ino! I'll cover all your missions for a month if you read for me!"

Ino thought. "Hmm…tempting, but no. I'll pass."

Tenten growled.

_In __a__ hour the new __Tema__ 7 left __Kohana__adn__ went to the __Brid__contry.__Wen__ they got __threre__, an old dude __tak__led__ to __thme__ about __theyre__ mission._

"Hey, wait a minute!" said Tsunade. "I know the leader of the Bird Country, and he's only, like, 25 or something!"

"Tsunade-sama," interrupted Kiba. "They're not in the Bird Country. Remember? They're in the _Brid_ country."

"Alright, listen up, freaks," announced Tenten. "If you all don't shut up and let me read, you are so dead it's not even funny."

_Mitsuki __didnt__ pay __attenshun__ to him, __tho__she__ knew that __Sasuke would tell her __evrythin__ she __neded__ to __kno__becuz__ he loved __ehr__ so much._

_Latr__ at __nite__ they __weere__ all sleeping in their rooms, cause the old guy had given Mitsuki anything she __wnated__adn__ she asked for them to get rums._

"Rums?" laughed Neji. "Is she an alcoholic now?"

Sasuke looked at him with haunted eyes. "Don't jinx it."

"Come on, she wouldn't really..." Sakura trailed off. "She might. Never mind!"

Jiraiya thought for a minute. "Well, she wouldn't make her an alcoholic, because Mitsuki is supposed to be perfect."

"But she WOULD have Mitsuki get drunk with Sasuke and then they would..." muttered Naruto.

"Don't jinx it!" cried Sasuke.

"SILENCE!" roared Tenten, brandishing a scroll threateningly. And silence there was.

_Accept Mitsuki __adn__ Sasuke were in __teh__ same room because they were bf and gf now!_

"Oh, HELL no," yelled Sasuke. Sakura closed her eyes. "Please, Tenten..."

Tenten glared at the group murderously. "You shouldn't have interrupted me so many times, then!" And so she read the third of the scenes that were so very much hated.

"WHY, GOD, WHY?" screamed Kurenai. "For God's sake, Tenten, did you have to imitate the voices??" Tenten shrugged.

"I have never been more overjoyed that you can't imitate my voice," Sasuke confided to Tenten. "I was able to imagine that it was just another person named Sasuke, instead of me."

Tenten sighed. "And here I'd hoped to torture you all..."

_after__ they were __dun__, Mitsuki __sat up. She __herd__ a noise!_

"Oh, no! A noise!" mocked Neji. "I've never heard one of those before!"

"And if you keep talking, I'll make sure I never have to hear YOU make a noise again!" growled Tenten, twirling a shuriken on her finger.

_It was the __ppl__ who had stolen the __crol__ "__we__heard__ that a __beyootiful__ girl __wuz__heer__," __sed__ a __ugly man. "So we have cum here to __kdinappp__ her!"_

_"No u wont __tsake__ my __wunderful__ Mitsuki-__chan__!" __sayed__ Sasuke._

"Yes! Kidnap her! Please!" yelled Sasuke. Tenten flipped him off and kept reading.

_"2 bad!" said the bad __gai__. "__We are __heer__ to take her __wit__ us __becuz__ she is __beyootiful__!"_

_Mitsuki __roled__ her __eyez__ "U can't __captchur__ me, I am the best ninja __tere__ is!"_

"Overconfident much?" asked Shizune dryly. "I mean, she doesn't even know any jutsu yet."

"Just you wait," was the dark mutter that came from Neji. "Just you wait."

_Naurto__kicked the __gy__ in the __hed__. "__Thanx__ Naruto, that guy was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ugly!" __Mitsuki __sqeeld__The three __ohter__bad guys foolishly attacked Mitsuki __and __stabed__ her in the __stumack_

_Saukrau__charged at the __gai__ but __trpiied__ over her huge feet and __fel__ down._

"Sakura, you have, like, the smallest feet ever," said Naruto.

Sakura shrugged. "Small feet, big forehead, it evens out. We should shut up now." Tenten was in the process of biting her thumb for the blood required to summon her weapons.

_The bad __guys__punuched__Nartou__ in the head and he __fall __donw_

"I'm insulted," commented Naruto.

"You should be," hissed Tenten.

_Sasuke and Mitsuki stood __bak__ to back__ and __fout__ off the __enemees__Won__ of them stabbed Mitsuki __oin__ the back and she __felol__ down._

_"OMG NO MITSUKI-CHAAAAN!" __screemed__ Sasuke._

The Sasuke in question was currently banging his head on the wall. "Uchihas…don't…._scream!_" he muttered to himself.

"Where is Kakashi-sensei during all this?" asked Kiba.

"The world may never know," said Jiraiya.

_Adn__ so Sasuke __kickd__ all __theyre__ asses._

"_Finally_ in character!" said Sasuke.

_An__thenhe__rshued__ over to Mitsuki and __tryd__ to wake her up._

"I stand corrected."

_Kakhashi-sensay__ ran __upp__ and __sayd__ that she needed a doctor. "The __neerst__ village is the Sand," he said._

_"So we __shood__ go __tere__!" agreed Sasuke._

_So __yheyt__ woke up Naruto __ans__Sakoora__and picked up Mitsuki. "Sasuke-kun…"she moaned as he picked her up.__ "It hurts…I feel like I __cant__ see __cleerly__…"_

_"No, Mitsuki-__chan__Yoo__cant__ dye!"_

"Is she dying?" asked Kurenai frantically.

"No," growled Tenten. "She's too perfect to die."

_Saurka__ was __hopnig__ Mitsuki would die cuz then Sasuke mite love her. Naruto didn't __wans__ Mitsuki to die __becauys__ she was so pretty (she not pretty __shes__beayootiful_

_Anywayz__ I __gotta__ go cuz I have __shtuf__ to do yea BYE! __o__ hears the __revyu__ responses:_

_SnickyPop: yay __im__ so glad u __like__ t __shes__ amazing anti she?_

_BaconInTheSoap: well __im__sry__ but I __lyk__usin__chatspek__ so __ttyl__ and fuck you_

_Nikushimi__ no Ai: she not aw slut it __doenst__ matter if they only __justu__ met they __wer__ in __lurb_

_HinduGoddess__: id __ont__ care if you __hae__ my story I know __itds__ ah-may-zing so __whatevs_

_Sea __MoonDragon__ohemgee__Orohicmarus__ a sick __bsatared__ who __lieks__littleboys_

_Darantha__: it __shuddent__ be painful to reed cuz Mitsuki-__chans__ an amazing __preson_

_mizukaikage__stfu_

_ILoveDennis__: well __screu__ you cuz __ur__ gonna end up __liveing__ in __abxo__ on the __roadcuz__ u don't know good __qriteing__wen__ u see it!_

_HughesHanajimaHilariaHypocrite__: MITSUKI __isn__ t a __slutt_

_Liah Cauthon: __omg__ur__ a freak cuz __ino__-pig and sakura-__bithc__ are __patethic__ and __wy__ would I make Mitsuki-__chan__ like them?_

_thatrandomkid__omg__thankyou__somuch__ I know wouldn't read and black __hari__ be so cool? __glad__ u liked it!_

_Manyara__theyr__ love is amazing so shut up_

_Kontraband: WELL UYO DESREVEDED IT!! __ur__ so __meen__ to me!_

"DONE FINALLY!" Tenten threw the book at Hinata, who caught it with resentful loathing.

**Yippee….another one done….**

**SnickyPop: I know, it's weird right? Oh, sorry for making you agree with her. I needed some supporters and you were one of the few people who hadn't been yelled at last time.**

**BaconInTheSoap: I'm really sorry! But I thought the Suethor would have no life so she'd use chat speak a lot. Sorry…**

**Nikushimi**** no Ai: Aww…I want a Sasuke plushy….he's so cute when he's being harassed by prettyfairyunicorn27!**

**HinduGoddess****: sure, go wild. But you would have to update it.**

**Sea ****MoonDragon****: I tend not to write Sai into my stories; I just don't like the guy. But Orochimaru does come in a little later.**

**Darantha****: wait until Orochimaru shows up (not for a while though)!**

**mizukaikage****: thanks!**

**ILoveDennis****: haha thanks!**

**HHHH: no, no love triangles, but I still have two more—hey, what am I saying this for? You already know the whole plot!**

**Liah Cauthon: Meh. I'm going to politely disagree and leave it at that. ****A paper?****On Sues?**** That must be fun…**

**thatrandomkid****sorry for making you support her. Oh, hell yeah, the OMGSASUKE is a huge factor, and she is just a freak of nature. Let's leave it at that.**

**Manyara****: they should be.**

**Kontraband: yes, Kontra, your soul is made of ash. Why not?**

**If other people want to follow Liah Cauthon's example, you can please start putting in separate reviews for the Suethor in your review….the people that I said supported her, your call: keep liking it or turn traitor.**

**Other than that, go nuts! See ya next time.**


	5. Burn The Witch

**They thought there was only one. They thought they had seen the worst.**

**They were wrong.**

Hinata tentatively accepted the book. "W-Why are we still reading this b-book?"

Kiba shrugged. "Too far in to give up now, I guess."

Hinata nodded, cleared her throat, and read.

"_OMG noooooo Mitsuki-chan cant dye!!1!" sed Naturo._

_Saurkua nodded, altho she hoped Mitsuki wud die so she could hav Sasuke (slut). I een rly, cuming on 2 him wile he wuld be greevng?_

"WHAT?" screamed the real Sakura at the same time as Sasuke yelled "I would NOT be grieving!"

"Sakura-san, Sasuke-san, the s-sooner I finish this chapter, the sooner it'll be over," said Hinata. "So I would appreciate it if you would save your shouting for later."

Sakura breathed deeply. "My apologies."

_Sasuke wuz crieing becuz he thout Mitsuki would die. Arent emo boyz soooo __cute?_

The sound of twittering birds filled the air as Sasuke raised a hand. "I would like to stake my claim now. If we should ever meet this...pitiful imitation of an author, I get to kill her. Not any of you. Me. Got it?"

"Sit down, Sasuke," sighed Tsunade. "If we ever meet her, whoever gets there first can kill her."

"Ahem," suggested Hinata. "_Sasuke was stil crying but he sed "we have to tayk Mitsuki-chan to Sand so she can gut butter."_

"_No cuz she mite die of blod loss if we moove her!" said Sauerkraut becaus she was planning on killing Mitsuki in her sliip._

"I'm sorry, explain again when my name was changed to Sauerkraut?" asked Sakura pleasantly.

"_Dont be a bitch Sarkua we need to heel her! said Naurto. "ur so stoopid, we cant let her dye becuz ur jelus!"_

"There is an annoying bitch in this story, but I don't think it's Sakura," said Ino in the stunned silence that followed the last sentence.

"Sakura-chan, you know I would never say that, right?" asked Naruto. Sakura didn't hear him; she was busy muttering to herself. Sasuke and Tenten, who were sitting on either side of her, scooted away warily. "She's making death threats," explained Tenten.

_Sudebly Mitsuki begun to glo w/white lite. "OMG is she dying?" asked Sasuke._

"_No teh spirit of the vemon wulf is healing her" said kakshi._

"What is going on here?"

Everyone turned to look. Gaara stood in the doorway in full Kazekage regalia. "Hi Gaara!" said Naruto.

"Again, what the hell is going on?"

Tsunade smacked herself. "Dammit. I was going to have a meeting with the Kazekage today! Shizune, why didn't you remind me?"

"Would someone please tell me what is going on?" asked Gaara again.

Kurenai began. "We found this story—"

"—It's horrible—" interrupted Ino.

"—and we are now all mentally scarred for having read it," she finished.

"Well, what's it about?" said Gaara, looking very wary by now.

"No no no no, let me say it!" yelled Sasuke over the sudden babble. "So this absolute slut of a girl with unrealistic features comes to Konoha from some place called Tokyo and everyone loves her. She becomes a ninja in less than an hour, and she's a jinchuriki."

"And she's Sasuke's mad lover," sniggered Tenten.

"She—is not—my girlfriend!" growled Sasuke through clenched teeth.

"No, but she is your mad lover," said Kiba with a grin.

"You three, shut up," snapped Tsunade. "Gaara-sama, you have to read the next chapter. House rules. Hinata-chan, continue."

"Do I have to?" asked Gaara.

"Yes. Yes you do."

"At lease you won't have some crazy hobag chasing after you," muttered Sasuke.

"Actually..." said Jiraiya. "Put the dots together. They're going to Suna right now."

"Sit next to Hinata and wait for your turn," instructed Tsunade.

"So can I start again? Good," said Hinata. "Now where was I?"

"_The sprit of th dmn wolf is healng her," sed Kakahi._

"_OMFG shes a demon we haf to kill hur!" yelled Srakua._

Gaara and Naruto shot a look at Sakura. "I-I would never say that! I completely understand that you're not monsters!" she protested.

"Gaara and Naruto, Naruto you should already know this, everyone in this story acts nothing like their real selves," sighed Ino.

"_No Sakuka u baka shes not a munster!" yelled Sasuke "She's mai Mitsuki-chan I can't bilieve you wood say that!"_

"_OK then ets go to Sunna!" said Notaru._

"Hang on," interrupted Kiba. "Weren't then going to Suna to heal her? So if she's healing herself, why are they still going there?"

"Because they're out of supplies, apparently," said Hinata, browsing the chapter. "Although a paragraph later they stop for dinner."

"Another thing, aren't they staying with the lord of the Bird Country?" asked Neji. "So what are they doing going to Suna for 'healing' and 'supplies?'"

"All signs point to yes," said Jiraiya prophetically. "Gaara-sama, prepare to meet your new girlfriend."

"This'll be fun," said Naruto in anticipation.

Gaara glanced at him. "I have a gourd full of sand and I'm not afraid to use it."

Hinata cleared her throat, and looked expectantly at her audience. "Continue, Hinata," said Kurenai.

_OK guyz Im gonna skkip how they got ther and just skip to the part where they reech Suna!_

"So did we fly there, or what?" asked Sasuke.

_Wen they got to Sun, Temair said hi._

"_OMGHi guys!"_

"Is Temari-san ever that peppy?" asked Shizune.

"No. No she is not," replied Gaara.

"_Hi Temari this is Mitsuki-chan she neds to be heeled!" said Naruto giggly._

"That...is not a word," said the real Naruto.

"And isn't her demon wolf healing her?" asked Gaara.

"_Yeah she mite di so plz help her!" yelld Sasuke becaus he was scared._

"_Ok shur lets go 2 tha hospittle" said Temrai. She wuz sad becuz she wishd she was as prettty as Mitsuki._

_Wen they got to the hospitul—_

"Did we fly there too?"

—_they saw Gaara, smyling._

Gaara said nothing, but raised an eyebrow.

_Well of corse he wuz smiling vecuz of the gril stangding next 2 him!_

"I was right!" bragged Jiraiya.

"_Hi guyz this is my gurlfrend Katsumi-chan!" Katsumi was just as byootiful as Mitsuki._

"Here we go with the description..." sighed Kiba.

_She had loooooong golden hari that she kep in a hi-pontail. It was teh color of tha sun and it was almust wite._

"So she looks just like Ino?" said Sakura.

_Katsumi had bright green eyez the coler of grass._

"For my own amusement, I'm going to picture dead grass and imagine her eyes to be that color," said Gaara, speaking for the first time since the introduction of Katsumi.

_Seh was wereing a bloo sleeveles kiomno taht came up 2 above her nees, and all the boyz aawayls tryd 2 luk up her skirt (teehee)!_

_Katsumi smiled. "Hi guyz! OMG Im SOOOOOOOOOO sry abut ur frend wats her name?_

"_Hre nam is Mitsuki-chan and i lurve her!" yeled Sasuke._

"_yah Sasuke-kun I lov u too!" sed Mitsuki. They kissed/_

"I thought she was on the verge of death?" said Shizune as Sasuke mimed throwing up.

_I thot u were about to dye dont scare me liek rhat!" sai Sasuke._

"_Nah its OK i woke up hey Gaara-kun hi Katsumi-chan!"_

'_Bur I thot you we're abotu 2 die how didjoo recovr?' wined Skaru._

"Skaru. What a name," said Sakura.

"_Sakur yoo bicht! yelled Naruo. "it doznt matter how she gto bettre u shud be greatful shee did becuz if she diddnt seh wooud die!!"_

"_Yah Skrau i cant bleive u would be so meen to Sasuke he wuz wurrid sik!"_

Sakura deadpanned. "Asking how she recovered is NOT being mean."

"This is getting ridiculous," snapped Neji. "Next thing you know they'll throw a party!"

"Look, if you want to keep talking for all eternity, that's fine, but I want to finish this chapter soon!" complained Hinata. "So please, BE QUIET!"

_:Lets have a pratty becuz Mitsuki heeld herslef!" said Katsumi. _

"_OMG thats schu a kool idea Katsumi-chan!" said Gaara!_

"What...the...hell?" said Neji. "I was right!"

"Neji, being able to predict her is NOT a good thing," said Sasuke.

"It means you're starting to think like her," added Ino.

"_Liek OMG u 2 look ezakly teh same!" sdai Tremia._

"Whoever this girl is, I look nothing like her," said Gaara flatly.

"You don't even know what she looks like," Shizune pointed out.

"I don't care. I do NOT look like this girl."

"With all due respect, Gaara-sama, please shut up," said Hinata.

"_OMG shes rite!' Katsumi exclamd. "mayb u guys ar twin!s" Shewas hppay becuz now Gaara-kun wood hav a famliy!_

"_Yeh DAd sed I had a twin sistre who was sent awaay!" yrellud Gaara._

"So do Temari and Kankuro not exist or something?" asked Kiba.

"_Nee-sand!" squeald Mitsuki._

"Kill me now," muttered Gaara.

"_So nowow we can hahvhe a paraty bezscuse Gaara-kun fownd his sister!" ejaculated Katsumi._

The male ninja gave a group snort. The kunoichi rolled their eyes, and Gaara and Sasuke prayed that they would be saved from their 'girlfriends' soon.

"_OK yea ltes go find dresseZ! said Mitsuki, and ger and Katsumi ran off gigllging._

"And I'm sure her dress will be described in exquisite detail," said Kurenai disgustedly.

"I just can't believe there are two of them!" said Naruto. "Do you guys realize what this means?"

The whole group fell silent as the implications of a _second_ Sue hit them. "I don't get it," said Gaara.

"There will be more..._scenes,_" said Hinata, her voice dropping to a whisper and her face turning bright red. "I don't want to read anymore."

"You have to, Hinata. We are Konoha shinobi; we finish what we've started. Keep going, Hinata, it's okay," said Tsunade. Hinata nodded.

"_Do u think this dres is perty?" asked Katsumi as they tyred on dreses._

"_Yah totally it loox rly good on u! said Mitsuki. "Btu ofcurse evrythnig looks good on us!"_

"_lol i no ritwe?" laffed Katsumi._

"How conceited ARE these girls?" asked Kurenai incredulously.

"Very. And could someone PLEASE tell me what the hell 'lol' means?" shouted a very frustrated Kiba.

"Lords of Loony?" suggested Naruto. "Land of Leopards? Little old lady? Lumps of lard? Large orange liver? Laser of lemons? Links of—"

"It means 'laugh out loud'," said Jiraiya.

_:OMGithink that dress looks PREFECT on yupo!" sqeeld Katsumi._

"_Thatnk you so mhuc you looks amazing 2!" squrealsd Mitsuki._

Neji winced. "Hinata-sama, your voice is way too high for you to be attempting that kind of squealing!"

"I'm sorry, Neji-nii-san," Hinata said.

"I think it was funnier that way, personally," said Sasuke.

_And that nite wuz teh PARTY! yay!_

"Yay!" mocked Shizune. "Yay!"

"End of chapter! I'm finally done!" said Hinata joyfully. "Now onto the review responses!"

_thatrandomkid: thankyou SOOOOOO MUCH IAMso glad yoo liked itt! OMG i no rite if Mitsuki-chan died Sasuke-kun wuddent be able to fgo on!!_

"Yes I would!" said the Uchiha loudly.

_.hoshi.na-chan.: yoo bitch Mitsuki-chan is ttly byootifl!_

_Darantha: EWWWW u cruy blood gte away you fugking emo!!_

_pink-violin: I NO MITSUKI-CHAN IS NOT A BITCH! i havet wen ppl day tha! and I will update soom becuze i no my fans are waytin for me!_

_Kontraband: tehres nothun rong wit/my gramer! Mitsuki-chan istn a slut she and Sasuke-kun new they lurbved eech othern thats why they wetn so fast#!_

_Liah Cauthon: omg lol and ppl say i can't spell her nmay is Mitsuki not Mitsueki!_

_ILoveDennis: WELL U WILL LVIE INA BXO!_

_Pawz4thought: ur a virgin omg llol ur fickin prude!! i hope u brun ur VIRING eyez cuz you sck Mitsuki is amayxin!_

_Nikki Mustang: her clthos are 2 nromal she jjust noes how rto look smexy!_

"Here you go, Gaara-sama!" Hinata practically sang, glad to be done.

"We are all going to die," muttered Tsunade.

**Wow, my longest chapter yet. I was going to have the party in this one, but if I move the story too fast not everyone will have a chance to read and **_**we don't want that, now do we?**_** Also, prettyfairyunicorn27's parties are quite...graphic...and I could never do that to poor Hinata. Neji, however, I have no problem at all with giving him those scenes.**

**I finally got my ass in gear and read ****My Immortal****...oh my GOD that story gave me so many ideas for Mitsuki and Katsumi...heheheh.**

**In advance, I'm sorry about any comments prettyfairyunicorn27 might have made about your virginity or being a prude or emo.**

**thatrandomkid: Sasuke's not gay...I don't love torturing him, but he's the common Sue-fodder, and I couldn't pass that opportunity by! LOVED your fake review, priceless!**

**.hoshi.na-chan.: well, I update my stories in cycle, so I usually go around again before I update.**

**Darantha: yes, Orochi-baka will be here...evil grin**

**pink-violin: I couldn't tell whether you were saying she was or wasn't a bitch, so I went with a random guess.**

**Kontraband: of course ****I**** know you have no soul, but unicorn-girl doesn't. And of course you're not a gecko. You're Tinkerbelle. Everyone knows that!**

**Liah Cauthon: Yayz! I feel important now! (Oh, that was easy, said Man, and for an encore tried to prove that white was black and got himself killed at the next crossing) or something.**

**ILoveDennis: thanks!**

**Pawz4thought: Thanks! But unicorn-girl would never delete this story, and if she did, how would I drive the characters insane?**

**Nikki Mustang: At least it's not Naruto, you say? There is more to come.**

**Catwinn: thank you! Glad you like it!**

**Coming Next Chapter: **_**Naruto and Gaara won't know what hit them.**_


	6. HACK!

**Well! I return from summer camp with ideas, inspiration, and all around craziness for the unsuspecting characters: reader beware.**

Gaara's face took on an expression of utter resignation. "Can't I pull Kazekage privilege and not read?"

"No," said Tsunade. "Because I would pull Hokage privilege and make you read, and it's my village so there."

Gaara perused the page. "I don't think it's written by the same person as the rest of the story."

Naruto stuck his head over the redhead's shoulder. "It's not! Someone else, who apparently hates Mitsuki as much as us, wrote this chapter!"

"Ah," said Jiraiya. "A hack."

Shizune looked at him quizzically. "What's a hack?"

"You'll see. Gaara, get on with it!" ordered the Sannin. Shaking his head, the young kage began to read.

_If there are any of you still sticking around for this new chapter of untold horror, be relieved: For the sake of your sanity and mine as well, I have posted a short interlude containing what you've wanted to happen for five chapters. _

_Containing Bad Words, and references to FMA, Eragon, and Spirited Away._

_Be warned._

_Enjoy!_

"What are FMA, Eragon, and Spirited Away?" asked Kurenai. As one, the group's heads swiveled towards Jiraiya.

"What? Why are you all looking at me?"

Kiba rolled his eyes. "Because you're the resident expert on these things. Duh."

Jiraiya rolled his own eyes right back at Kiba. "I'm the expert on Mary-Sues. This is completely different. Duh."

"Enough!" snapped Tsunade. "It doesn't matter! Just keep reading!"

_And then there was light._

_And then Hilaria poofed into existence, and she said it was good._

"Who's Hilaria?" asked Sakura.

"You'll find out soon enough, _please_ stop interrupting!" said Gaara/

_No, she didn't, actually. She stuck out her tongue at prettyfairyunicorn27, who was duct-taped to a chair in the middle of the mysterious white space._

_Prettyfairyunicorn27 was not taking this sitting down- figuratively speaking. "UL NEVR GET AWA W/TIHS ILL SOO U!!" _

_Hilaria stared at her with raised eyebrows, her tongue still sticking out. "Ouch. My virgin ears. I'm so scared." _

"_U SUK SO MUCH FUK U OMGIZZLE FOSHIZZLE OMG ILL KILL U GO 2 HEL UR SO FUKING DED murmle murmle murmle."_

"What's an 'izzle'?" wondered Ino out loud.

_Why would our least favorite Suethor stop her loud, annoying, and grammatically incorrect tirade and descend into a series of murmles? Because Hilaria had a wall of scary-looking buttons and dials that had seemingly appeared out of nowhere, and was turning the volume down. Finally it reached mute, and, ignoring the outraged prettyfairyunicorn27, who was grabbing her larynx and screaming silent death threats, Hilaria proceeded to examine the rest of the wall. "I wonder what this big red button that says 'DO NOT PRESS UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES' does?"_

_After exploring the rest of the buttons, making the walls turn an interesting greenish color, and almost setting prettyfairyunicorn27's chair on fire, Hilaria heard a pointed cough from the other side of the room. The entire cast of Naruto was standing there, looking annoyed. Hilaria pulled a conveniently placed curtain over the wall of buttons and tried to look innocent._

"Cast of Naruto?" asked the group, as one.

"_Hilaria," said Sasuke, "I just woke up and realized that the…the…__excuse__for a girl that I thought I liked was in fact a…a…well, there's no word in the dictionary that would suffice, but…__what the hell is going on?"_

"Yes! Finally I see sense!" crowed Sasuke. "But how do I know who this girl is?"

_Hilaria thought for a second. "Hmm…well…suffice to say that…YOU WERE UNDER THE COMPLETE CONTROL OF HER SINCE YOU MET THAT MARY SUE! IT'S ALL HER FAULT! HOLD HER RESPONSIBLE!"_

_The cast whispered among themselves for a moment, processing this. Then Sakura, restored to her pre-__Ryomance __glory, held up a kunai. "CHAAARGE!"_

"Go Skaru," muttered Sakura to herself.

"So do you think we kill her?" inquired Hinata.

"Oh, I hope so," Tenten was practically salivating at the thought.

_A swarm of disgruntled Naruto characters engulfed prettyfairyunicorn27, who was still helplessly taped to the chair. Everyone was yelling their grievances and fighting each other to put a scratch on prettyfairyunicorn27. No one could tear Sasuke away from her side. He was methodically stabbing her in the shoulder with a kunai, murmuring in his go-pick-out-a-coffin-for-yourself-and-then-come-back-here-so-I-can-kick-your-ass voice, "You- horrible- slutty- nymphomaniac- disgusting excuse- for- a- fucking- BI—"_

"I love my go-pick-out-a-coffin-for-yourself-and-then-come-back-here-so-I-can-kick-your-ass voice," said Sasuke happily.

_But something was happening to prettyfairyunicorn27 that stopped Sasuke in his tracks. Prettyfairyunicorn27 was expanding, the duct tape on the chair snapping from the pressure. Everyone instinctively backed away as prettyfairyunicorn27 mutated into a version of Mitsuki 394018312872641000 times normal size. "DOOOOONN'TT CAAALLLLL MEEEEEE THAAAT!!" roared the Monster Sue. Monster-Mitsuki chased the entire cast of Naruto down a long hallway. Everyone looked at Hilaria, who was running the fastest._

"Jeez, she got us into this, she could at least help get us out of it!" grumbled Naruto.

"_Help!" called Konohamaru, who was lagging behind. Monster-Mitsuki grabbed him and stuffed him into her mouth. Everyone neither noticed nor cared._

"_Hilaria, you idiot! You got us into this mess, now get us out of it!" yelled Shikamaru, who was getting really pissed off. This was cutting into his cloud-watching time._

"Huh," said Naruto.

"_WHAT THE HELL! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! THIS IS __SO __NOT MY FAULT!" Nobody was convinced. Hilaria racked her brains to find a course of action that wouldn't cause her compatriots to gang up on her. "Um…I have an idea!"_

_Hilaria snapped her fingers. There was an impressive flash of purple light, and then…_

_Edward and Alphonse Elric and Roy Mustang popped into the room. The opening notes of Ready, Steady, Go started to play._

"Who are these people and what is Ready Steady Go?" asked Tsunade.

"Characters from a different manga series, Ready Steady Go is a theme song from the anime adaptation," answered Jiraiya.

"Why do you know that?" said Kiba.

"_No! No! No!" Hilaria shouted at nobody in particular. "I HATE THAT SONG!"_

_The pissed-off members of L'Arc-En-Ciel flipped the finger to their computer screens and went to the convenience store to buy beer._

"The band who plays the song," said Jiraiya before anyone could ask.

_Ed and Al seemed to get that something was going on, so they started running alongside Hilaria and the others. Roy, however, was still rather dazed, so he just stood there as the rest of the group left him behind. The Monster Sue caught sight of him and immediately grabbed him, caught in the throes of paroxysms of fangirly convulsions. Hilaria sweatdropped. "I should have known. A fangirl is a fangirl is a fangirl, no matter what fandom."_

"_At least that delayed her a little bit," muttered Naruto, but, famous last words, Monster Mitsuki had finished fangirling Roy. Hilaria grabbed Ed and Al by the collars of their weirdo matching coats._

"_Listen up. You alchemist-dudes fight off the Mary Sue. It's just like a chimera, except bigger. Good luck." She then sprinted away to join the rest of the group._

_Al took one look at the Monster Sue and pissed his pants. He ran away as fast as he could, screaming like the sissy he was. Ed braced himself and muttered, "Nos morituri te salutamus." Mitsuki promptly ate him. Having finished eating, Mitsuki started chasing the Naruto cast and Hilaria again._

"Sissies," mumbled Tenten.

"Give them a break, she's a giant, towering, mismatched, ugly girl," said Gaara in defense.

_Temari glared at Hilaria. "Now what?"_

_Hilaria thought for a moment. Maybe there was one thing that could work…she snapped her fingers again._

_Spirited Away's own Chihiro, Haku, and No Face popped into existence. Everyone paused for a moment to "Aww…" at the young love before going back to what they were doing._

_Hilaria mutely pointed at the Monster Sue. Chihiro, Haku, and No Face nodded._

_At once, they turned to face the Monster Sue. "THE POWER OF SUPERNATURAL JAPANESE CULTURE PWNS YOU, FOOL!" Even No Face tried to join in with his wimpy gasping noises._

"Jira—"

"Yes, I know what it is, yes, I'll tell you, and please stop asking!" said the frustrated sage. "They're characters from a movie!"

_Monster Mitsuki wasn__'t even fazed.__"Baka! Yaoi! Arigato! Nii-san! UR NO MACH 4 TEH PWUR UV SOODO JAPINEEZ,__ ASSHOLE!__"_

_The atrociously pronounced Japanese words stabbed Chihiro, Haku, and No Face like spears, and Haku and No Face quietly poofed out of existence while Chihiro bled on the floor. Monster Mitsuki ran on._

_Hilaria scowled at the ground. Idiot girl! She had forgotten that crossovers only strengthen Mary Sues. There was only one thing to do—steal the love interest._

"_Hey, Sakura," whispered Hilaria. "Do what you've wanted to do for three years!"_

"Oh, no," said Sasuke. "Oh no oh no oh no!"

_Sakura's eyes widened. "What the hell?"_

"_Trust me, just do it."_

"_Okay…" and Sakura took a flying leap and glomped Sasuke._

"If you ever—" began Sasuke.

"I swear I'm past that stage!" Sakura frantically promised.

_Sasuke looked murderous—or maybe he was just suffocating. One of the two. "Sakura…get…off…my…windpipe!"_

_Everyone was amused for a moment but then turned their attention back to Mitsuki. Something strange was happening to her. "Noeh…taykn…sheez soooooo taystlis nad rood…ive bin awtmachd…" Suddenly one of her arms extended. It got longer and wider until finally it broke off and began to shape itself into the form of…_

_Another Mary Sue._

"_Oh my gawd…" Baki shook his head. "I almost thought we were going to get away without a run-in with __her…__"_

"Oh, hell," said Gaara, interrupting himself.

_Yes indeed, it was Katsumi, who had spontaneously erupted out of Mitsuki's arm. Now both Sues were expanding until finally there were __two __Monster Sues where one had stood a few minutes ago._

"_UR LYKE SOOOOOO DED NAO, U LUZRZ," cackled the Sues in one voice._

"_Crap…" said Hilaria. Her ever-replenishing arsenal of wacky ideas was, well, not replenishing. Her inner chibi-Hilaria was rummaging through all the crazy things that she had come up with in the past 7 years, and that's a __lot __of crazy ideas. Suddenly, chibi-Hilaria struck gold._

"I suppose I should be glad she's going to demolish the Sues, but I'm too nervous about any plan she might have come up with," stated Hinata. Ino nodded.

_It was possibly the craziest idea she had ever come up with. When it first appeared, she had tagged it as GENIUS and stored it in the back of her mind, holding out for an opportunity to use it. Hilaria knew that it would be absolutely perfect._

_What was this genius idea, you ask?_

_Two words: __BLOODTHIRSTY GEESE._

"Say _what_?"

_Hilaria smirked and snapped her fingers a third time._

_With a purple flash of light, Eragon appeared. He seemed to be running for his life from a formidable foe. With a second flash, an enraged Arya appeared, covered in red paint and chasing down Eragon. In a third flash of light, a dozen geese appeared, chasing Arya as single-mindedly as she was chasing Eragon._

"Don't even think about it." Jiraiya forestalled any questions.

_Arya let loose a bloodcurdling scream. "ERAGON SO HELP ME I WILL CURSE YOU SO BAD YOU'LL HAVE EGGPLANT GROWING OUT OF YOUR EARS FOR A WEEK AND DAFFODILS WILL COME OUT OF YOUR—"_

_Understandably, Eragon was panicked. "Arya, please! I didn't do it! I didn't!" He cast around for someone to blame it on. "Uhh…THEY DID!" he yelled, pointing at Mitsuki and Katsumi._

_Arya immediately homed in on the new targets—it didn't really matter to her who she beat up. Heading straight for the Sues, she immediately began taking them down. The geese, sensing easier targets than Arya, followed her and immediately began feasting._

_Hilaria and the others gleefully watched, and when Hilaria decided that the Sues had had enough, she snapped her fingers and the Eragon characters were gone.__The Naruto characters, seeing that the Sues were seemingly dead, threw a makeshift party. _

The real characters were doing the exact same thing.

_Choji graciously offered to share some of his chips, and Tsunade produced a bottle of sake from her tunic. Kidomaru and Temari had collaborated on some balloons, and Tayuya was working on ambience music, when suddenly they heard something._

"_Wur…styl…heer…"_

"_U…r…soooooo…ded…"_

_To their dismay, everyone saw that the Sues, like a certain badass homunculus who is NOT DEAD W00T! , were starting to expand and regenerate._

"_Dammit," muttered Kakashi. "Hilaria, you suck."_

"_SHADDUP." Hilaria thought for a moment, and finally came up with a last resort. "I have one more idea. It's a long shot, and if this doesn't work, we're screwed, because I have nothing else. We don't have much time before they get back to full strength." Everyone nodded gravely. Hilaria added, "We also need some sacrifices." She caught sight of Naruto and Gaara standing somewhat close together, and her eyes gleamed. "PERFECT. This will be fun. Come on, Jinchies."_

"_DON'T. CALL. US. __JINCHIES__." _

"Oh, _HELL,_" said Gaara.

_Hilaria nodded, not wanting to waste time arguing. She shoved them so that their faces were within a few inches of each other and sprayed some Deus Ex Machina in the air between them._

_Gaara started to cough. When he finished, he looked flustered. "Uh…you know…Naruto…you were the one who brought me back when I was in hell. Thank you."_

"Oh, no," said Naruto, sensing the inevitable. "Oh NO."

_Nearly everyone was completely weirded out, but Naruto seemed strangely unperturbed. "It was kind of comforting to meet someone who went through the same thing as me and to know that I wasn't alone. Someone was worse off than me, for once, and I felt helpful and sympathetic urges."_

"Oh gods, PLEASE no," begged Naruto.

_Hilaria smirked. Time for the final stage of the plan. Using just the right amount of pressure, she pushed on the demon-holders' heads until their lips met._

_Sakura and Temari fainted, and the rest of the group backed away in horror. Hinata looked like she was going to scream or cry or both. Hilaria was happily watching Naruto and Gaara make out. "NaruGaa is SO FREAKING HOT!" she proclaimed to the heavens._

Naruto clamped his hand over his mouth and ran to a big potted plant in the corner. Over the loud retching sounds could be heard Gaara whimpering and fighting back the urge to follow Naruto's example.

"_WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!" In her glee, Hilaria had forgotten about the Monster Sues chasing them. But yaoi was having its predictable effect on the Sues, because everyone knows that Mary Sues are allergic to yaoi. Hilaria, sensing this, went in for the kill._

"_NaruGaa! NaruGaa! SasuNaru, SasuNaru, Lee…uh…Kimimaro! SasuGaa, KibaShino, NejiNaru! Geez, there are more than I thought of these…HakuZabuza (that bastard), OrochimaruKabuto! ItaKisa, MinatoJiraiya! JiraiOro, KakaObi, DeiTobi! KakaIru! ShikaCho! SasoDei! Sandcest! UCHIHACEST!"_

At that last one, Sasuke's eyes bulged and he ran for the plant, pushing Naruto out of the way. "Who _thinks_ of this stuff?!" he rasped when he'd finished emptying his stomach.

_With that final strike, Mitsuki and Katsumi deflated back to normal size, and Sasuke and Sakura were the first ones to reach them and start pulverizing them. Hilaria rode off into the sunset with Haku, with Zabuza staring morosely after them. Haha, too bad for you! Haku is MINE! Soon after, Sasuke realized that Sakura wasn't just an annoying fangirl, and they got together. Naruto and Gaara became a couple and lived happily ever after. NaruGaa pwns, peace out._

There was dead silence throughout the room.

**Okay, first, I just want to say that I DID NOT WRITE THIS HACK. HughesHanajimaHilariaHypocrite did. Second, anyone who would like to write a hack, PM me with it. I'm sorry, but I've already allotted which chapters will be hacks, so if yours is not chosen, it's nothing against either you or your writing.**

**Liah Cauthon: go for it.**

**AnnieFluffy: I sorta feel bad for them, and I'm the one putting them through this!**

**KumikoxChan: thank you!**

**Nikki Mustang: the links are actually of Lysol, so now you know.**

**Sea MoonDragon: Oh my god, please whack BOTH of them with a bat, preferably a large aluminum one!**

**Catwinn: I know, I hate it when authors bitch about people who leave their stories hanging and then do the exact same thing! Yes, I do plan to describe their dresses—they're absolutely beyootiful (read: hideous)!**

**.hoshi.na-chan.: why thank you! No kidding, My Immortal is actually one of my favorite stories on this site, EVER.**

**Darantha: as a matter of fact, that is ****exactly**** what I plan to do.**

**ILoveDennis: thank you! have fun in your box!**

**Shuricel: Oh god, no, I have my pride. Of course they're edited out. Don't worry, you didn't jinx anything, the main plot's already written. Nope, she doesn't defeat them single-handedly…rather, triple-handedly…**

**Kontraband: Actually, what with the whole shape-shifter thing I have going on, I can be any height I want. And I could **_**still**_** kick your pixie ass from here to next Thursday.**

**FullMetalSweety: That was wonderful, thank you!**

**ThePageMaster1530: don't destroy your liver…nope, RUTMS is very much fabricated by yours truly.**

**I iz da bizz: yeah? You ever read My Immortal?**

**craZy goth friendZ: no, if they got lives they'd be real!**

**Kitty the Sue Assassin: Another Sue and the Akatsuki? Eek…I'd better warn unicorn-girl…**

**One last request, please do NOT leave fake reviews for hack chapters. Prettyfairyunicorn27 will answer your reviews for chapter 5 in the next chapter.**


	7. It's Time to PARTAY!

**Yeek. Does anyone know how awkward it is to write horrendous insults about your best friend, when you're not actually mad at her at all?**

**On another note, happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday dear me, happy birthday to me...yup. It's my birthday. So that means you better review, got it?**

**--**

Ten minutes later, nobody had moved. Sasuke was still retching, and Naruto was hiding under the Hokage's desk.

Gaara refused to make eye contact with anyone. "Here's what will happen: I will pass this book to Hyuga. He will continue reading. The reason he will continue reading is that we all promised we would sit this thing out, and I'll be damned if I let anyone get away without reading. He will continue reading, and we will never speak of that chapter again. _Is that understood?_"

He took the lack of response to mean that yes, it was understood. Neji accepted the book with a feeling of extreme foreboding.

"Well, look on the bright side, we can see her response to the hack!" said Sakura in a pathetically transparent attempt to cheer him up.

_Lik OMG taht boitch slut stooped gaylovng cowfucker!_

Naruto blinked. "Uh. Wow."

_I cant beleevie ANYWON wood evr make Gaara and Naruto fall in love tat dummblondi bitshclut neids to go soke in a barrel of ASID adn den a duck will shit oin hur FACSE!_

"She has violent tendencies, doesn't she?" commented Kiba. "But at least she's creative with her insults."

"Yeah, her insults and nothing else," muttered Jiraiya.

_EVRY1 noes Gaara lovs Katsumi and Naruto loves OMG i cant tell u yet! haha hats for later!_

"Oh NO," wailed the blonde jinchuriki. "Not me! Why me?"

Tsunade blinked, then gasped as if in sudden realization. "Shit! Everyone wait here!" She dashed out of the room at full speed.

"How does she run in those shoes?" asked Ino in mild amusement.

"Forget that, where's she going?" wondered Hinata. "I hope she isn't trying to run away and leave us here alone with the book."

Her fears were groundless, for at that moment Tsunade re-entered, carrying a stack of bowls and a loaf of bread. "Everyone, take two slices and a bowl."

"Um...why?"

"Because this chapter has the party in it, and throwing up on an empty stomach is not good." She resumed her seat, ignoring the horrified looks of everyone else.

_Wel anyway on wit da store! So it wuz liek time 4 th partey! Mitsuki and Katsumi got ther dressez and went home to get redy!_

_OK so liek whoos exited to her wat they lookd like? Mitsuki had a lo-cutt pink kimonoe halter top witch came up 2 her nees add had slitz up both sides. Udderneth i she had a vry vry vry short blak mimiskit! he hari was iup in a bun wit the bangs left owt. she had pink hi-heeld showes and silvr bracelets! her gold red eyez wer dekor8ed wth mascara nd eyeliner._

"And here I thought she couldn't get any sluttier," said Kurenai wistfully.

_Katsumi had a lowcut silver hatler top w/ a blue hemn andtha left her stummik esposed! sh alsso ha a sheir silver scirt wit a slit up da side and u coud almust see her vblue thosng (lol) she aslo had a godl neklice wit the kanji 'love' on it 2 mach Gaara's tatoo! Adn her hair was down. She had eyelinr and masacra on her green eyes,_

_Both ov them lukked great dont u think? anyway on wiht teh party!_

"Great?" asked Tenten incredulously. "If I ran into those girls on the street they'd be covered in shuriken before they could blink."

"Ahem," said Neji.

_and Sasuke and Gaara both gut nozbleedz wen dey saw them. and th party startd!_

Sasuke directed his gaze upwards. "Please kill me now."

_First Gaara stood up and mayd a annownsment. "Ppl of Sunah, were having sid partay vbecuz ai finaly ofund my twin sistr Mitsuki-chan!"_

_Evryon cheered._

_They dances for OURS be4 Mitsuki had a gr8 idea! "lets sing songs! she sqeld. ill go forst!'_

_she stood up and grabbed da mice and sayd "This is dekiatded to Sasuke-kun becuz I love him so much!"_

_I wanted to be like you  
I wanted everything  
So I tried to be like you  
And I got swept away_

"Oh boy," said Gaara. "She really idolizes you."

"You'll get a song too," said Sasuke with a death glare.

_I didn't know that it was so cold  
And you needed someone to show you the way  
So I took your hand and we figured out  
That when the tide comes I'd take you away  
__  
_

"I apprediate the sentiment, but really, I hate this girl," mumbled Sasuke.

_If you want to  
I can save you  
I can take you away from here  
So lonely inside  
So busy out there  
And all you wanted was somebody who cares_

_I'm sinking slowly  
So hurry hold me  
Your hand is all I have to keep me hanging on  
Please can you tell me  
So I can finally see  
Where you go when you're gone_

"Wait, so she really IS going insane?" enthused Tenten.

"If that's the case, I don't think _Sasuke_ is the best person to keep her lucid," muttered Kiba under his breath.

_If you want to  
I can save you  
I can take you away from here  
So lonely inside  
So busy out there  
And all you wanted was somebody who cares_

_All you wanted was somebody who cares  
If you need me you know I'll be there  
Oh, yeah_

"If anyone ever _needs_ her anywhere, we'll know they really just want to kill someone," declared Tsunade.

_If you want to  
I can save you  
I can take you away from here  
So lonely inside  
So busy out there  
And all you wanted was somebody who cares_

_Please can you tell me  
So I can finally see  
Where you go when you're gone_

"She seems a bit obsessed to me," said Naruto. "I mean really, 'your hand is all I have'? Wow Sasuke, your girlfriend is insane!"

Sasuke was unaffected by Naruto's jibes. "I accept your teasing in good conscience, because I am aware that you will be receiving a Sue of your own soon." That shut Naruto up.

"I wonder if she'll die later on," said Sakura suddenly. "It's a definite possibility! She might make a heroic sacrifice! And then she'd be dead!"

"And we'd all mourn her death for years to come, I'm sure," said Ino dryly. "Can we please get this over with? Hyuga, continue!"

_Evry1 cheerd and clapedd asMitsuki put the mikrofine down. She wnt to Sasuke and he kissed her an they mad out._

_Katsumi got upp naow, and blew Gaara _(here Naruto burst out laughing before Neji pointed out that it wasn't like that)_ a kiss ebfroe singin. "I lurv Gaara-kun so heers a song 4 him!"_

"_I could stay awake just to hear you breathing  
Watch you smile while you are sleeping  
While you're far away and dreaming  
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender  
I could stay lost in this moment forever  
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure _

_Don't wanna close my eyes  
Don't wanna fall asleep  
'Coz I'd miss you baby  
And I don't wanna miss a thing  
'Coz even when I dream of you  
The sweetest dream would never do  
I'd still miss you baby  
And I don't wanna miss a thing_

_Laying close to you  
Feeling your heart beating  
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming—"_

"Now, see, the problem with this song is that I don't sleep," said Gaara. "So really, it's less of an 'I love you' song because, should I so choose, I could interpret it to mean she's mocking me."

"Gaara," said Hinata, "I want you to remember who we're talking about. She messed up again. Does that really surprise you?"

_  
"—Wondering if it's me you're seeing  
Then I kiss your eyes  
And thank God we're together  
I just want to stay with you in this moment forever  
Forever and ever _

_Don't wanna close my eyes  
Don't wanna fall asleep  
'Coz I'd miss you baby  
And I don't wanna miss a thing  
'Coz even when I dream of you  
The sweetest dream would never do  
I'd still miss you baby  
And I don't wanna miss a thing_

_I don't wanna miss one smile  
I don't wanna miss one kiss  
I just wanna be with you  
Right here with you just like this  
I just wanna hold you close  
Feel your heart so close to mine  
And just stay here in this moment for all the rest of time  
Baby, baby_

_Don't wanna close my eyes  
Don't wanna fall asleep  
'Coz I'd miss you baby  
And I don't wanna miss a thing  
'Coz even when I dream of you  
The sweetest dream would never do  
I'd still miss you baby  
And I don't wanna miss a thing."_

"That song is really, really repetitive," commented Jiraiya.

"Also really, really annoying," said Neji, before he continued reading.

_Aftr that tey all dnaced fortow more hors be4 Sasuke and Mitsuki desided they needd to be in priovaate. Mitsuki lead Sasuke to theyre roum, and once they gottheir Sasuke pressde her up against the wall, reaching under her dress—_

"NO!" screamed the whole group.

Neji looked at them all with a decidedly cold expression on his face. "I absolutely refuse to suffer alone."

And so he read. Gaara managed to avoid the ungodly writing by wrapping sand around his head and blocking the sound, but the rest of them were subject to 16 pages of a fangirl's fantasy. Halfway through it Ino made a break for the door, but Neji tripped her as she ran past him. Kurenai also avoided the scene by casting a genjutsu on herself and blocking her hearing. Most of everyone else was covering their ears, and Naruto was screaming at the top of his lungs, but Neji in a fit of sadism yelled over the noise.

When it was done, Hinata raised her hand. "Permission to leave the room in order to soak my brain in acid?"

"Denied," replied Tsunade immediately. "There's no guaranteeing you'd come back."

"_Taht was fun," sed Mitsuki. "I luv yuo Sasuke-kun."_

"_i lov eyou 2 Mitsuki-chan"_

_and ecuz theyloved eac hother so mutc she rolld ontopof him adn kissd him. It was hawt an sekxy and Sasuke reachd wit his figner s up her legs. She gilgedd and spred her legs._

"OH GOD, NO!" screeched Sasuke. "NOT AGAIN!"

"I thought Uchihas don't scream?" asked Naruto innocently.

"Times have changed," replied Sasuke testily. "I mean really Naruto, what do you expect from this story?"

Oh joyous day, at that moment they stopped talking and looked around to find...the room's other occupants in various stages of disgust. It seemed they'd talked through the scene. "Yes!"

_Menwilke bak at the apstry Katsumi and Gaara qwer dancin hawtly adn evry2 thort tey wer sexy.Ten Gaara led Katsumi otside and slid his hand donw hr derss._

"For some strange, demented reason, I almost hoped she wouldn't give me a scene," said Gaara when it was done.

"Seriously? I mean, seriously? Are you trying to make this hurt more?" asked Sakura incredulously with a laugh.

Sasuke glanced in their direction. "The only reason you're so happy is because you weren't even in this chapter." Sakura smirked.

_Menwiel in da Acatsooki, dere waz a meeting._

"'Acatsooki?' Is she serious?" asked Jiraiya.

"She's a phonetic speller, I thought that was obvious," replied Tsunade.

"_guyz i want yoo to meet the newst membr,' sed the Leeder dude. ya knwo, the 1 with orinj hare and all da peicings?_

"Does she mean Pein?" asked Tsunade.

"_Yah shes my new gf" said Kissamay._

"_evry1 this is Amaya."_

_A girl stepd out she had a blak kimoon top tath showd her stumick and over dat theier was a red obi w/the Acatsooki clowd on it. Seh also had a black miniskirt and blakc hiheeld showes and figrluss golves.. Her lon ghari was in a poyntale and purple wilth blaeck rootxz in it. her eyze wer deepdarkb ule._

"_Hi guys," she sadi. "Im Amaya"_

"Naruto...I think this one's yours," announced Kiba.

_Lol my frend wanted in on tish story so shes Amaya-chan! Im not gonna anser the rvews frum the dirty fuckin HACKER but i no u all loev my stoyr!_

_Nikki Mustang: Sasukes totaly emo tats wehy we lurv him, ew Skaruas in germany? remend me not 2 fgo there._

_Lil-Priestess: the plto ttly makes sence!Of corse Gaara wood smile hes in locve! Katsumi's not a slu tshe didnt do it wit Gaara until this chapter!_

"Wait, is that some kind of criteria? She's not a slut because she waited one more chapter?" wondered Gaara.

"You should've seen Sasuke with Mitsuki," replied Tenten. "They were totally going down on each other before she decided she didn't want to be a slut, so they did it at the beginning of the next chapter."

"If she says another word I cannot be held responsible for my actions," said Sasuke to nobody in particular.

_.hoshi.na-chan.: HEY ARNT MARY SUS!_

_Darantha: u desreve torchure if u dont loike Mitsuki!_

_Shuricel: dude wtf u make no sense_

_Kontraband: ew ew ew no icky yuri! you diryt freek!_

_FullMetalSweety: wel 2 bad he does have a twin and itn NOTT YOO!_

"I don't have a twin, but I do have siblings, so I wish she'd stop pretending this girl's my only family," said guess-who.

_i iz da bizz: lyke i no tottly!_

_Kitty the Sue Assassin: i REFUZ to dignfy ur revyu w/ a anwser, yo bitch who CANT APPRESHIATE GOOD RITING WEHN SHE SEEYS IT!!_

_DU EBRITHIL: thney not effnig suez!_

_emuroo: omg lyke totalleey! theyr so gr8!_

"I don't want to know, do I?" asked the new person who had just walked in. "Really, I probably don't, but I'll ask anyway."

Neji practically threw the book at her as she came to stand next to him.

"Well, I'm not sure what to tell you, Temari," said Gaara. "It's a little...complicated."

**--**

**Yes. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Amaya, the Akatsuki!Sue. Remember that think I said about her being Kisame's (Kissamay) girlfriend? Yeah, that won't last long. The songs used in this chapter were "All You Wanted" by Michelle Branch and "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing" by Aerosmith.**

**No, seriously, if someone wants to write a hack, please do. Soon. I mean soon.**

**neji'sgirl236: I know, it was hilarious, but oh wow I hate yaoi with a passion. No offense.**

**Kontraband: my summer was fine, and that leaves me with BE NICE ITS MY BIRTHDAY!**

**Popping Fresh: Oh boy, that would kill them.**

**Catwinn: yeesh, calm down! I updated!**

**ILoveDennis: thank you!**

**craZy goth friendZ: thank you, I'll try!**

**DU EBRITHIL: who says I'm not gonna kill one of the sues? (um. I want to point out that killing a sue does not necessarily mean they'll stay dead) But she will be dead for at least a paragraph!**

**emuroo: ooh, thank you! Yeah they're, um...not very happy with me right now...or Hilaria...**

**TheBrokenQuill: wait seriously? NEVER? I shudder whenever anyone brings up sandcest.**

**FullMetalSweety: that's okay, laziness is ALWAYS an acceptable excuse in the realm of fanfiction!**

**Draye: I had nothing to do with it.**

**Teh Pocky Ninja: thank you!**

**KickAssKunoichi: yaoi kills me. It just...ugh! I hate it! But hey, it got rid of the Sues...I guess all's fair in love and fanfiction.**

**gingystar555: yeah, it works on most Suethors.**

**Thin Air: well, I hope it lived up to your expectations...**

**ManicBlueRose: she did that on purpose, I'm certain. The very mention of Uchihacest makes me scream and run away.**

**HinduGoddess: take it up with Hilaria.**

**sarahlilly95: ya wanna be flamed, ya gotta review her story.**

**That's all, folks! See you whenever!**


	8. Offing The Uglies

**Heheh. Hi. This chapter might be my favorite so far. Enjoy!**

"Sorry for intruding, Tsunade-sama, but Gaara was supposed to be done with his meeting an hour ago, and I came looking for him," explained Temari.

"That's quite alright," responded Tsunade. "Have a seat, and make sure you eat this." She handed her a slice of bread, followed by a bowl.

"Um, thank you, I just ate…" Temari looked around, and suddenly noticed that there was something wrong with the Konoha Shinobi. There was a bit of a nervous-energy atmosphere, and everyone was a bit on edge. Gaara in particular seemed almost _gleeful_ as she nervously sat down, which in itself was exceptionally strange.

"Why do you all look so feral?" Temari asked.

"It's the story," said Sasuke in a flat monotone. "You'll go crazy too."

Temari blinked. "Didn't you join Orochimaru?"

"Long story, don't ask, yes I did, I'm here now, and _I'm not staying._" This last part was directed at Naruto. The aforementioned blonde ninja's face fell, and he opened his mouth to protest.

"Okay, enough!" Gaara intervened. "Temari, sit down. Sasuke, stop instigating, Naruto, stop taking the bait."

Temari eyes the pink book speculatively. "Gaara, so I have to—"

"Yes," replied her brother. "I read, and like hell am I going to let you get out of it." The accompanying death glare assured Temari that he meant it.

"Um, okay then…" She accepted the book from Neji and read the first few lined. "Wait, wait, wait, what the hell? What is this book about?"

"Oh boy, where do we even begin?" sighed Shizune.

"A girl comes to Konoha and falls madly in love with Sasuke," began Naruto.

"She's the 8-tailed jinchuriki and Gaara's twin sister," added Sakura helpfully.

"She joins Team 7 and on a mission she's injured and they take her to Suna," continued Jiraiya, "where they meet Gaara and his girlfriend Katsumi."

"They have a party to celebrate Gaara finding a family, and many graphic tales of horror ensue," finished Kiba. "Oh trust me, it's bad."

"That doesn't help at all, but thank you," said Temari. "Who's Amaya and what's a Kissamay?"

"Remember the Akatsuki?" asked Ino. "Amaya's one of them." Temari nodded and looked at the page in front of her.

_Amaya and Kissamay left the Acatsuki meiting. "That was fun it wasdnnice eto meedt eberyone" sed Amaya._

"_They all thought woyou were hot, but if you go houk uip wit any of dem ill kill you" seid Kismae._

"A little extreme, don't you think?" mused Neji.

"No! Let her die!" yelled Tenten. Temari raised her eyebrows.

"Don't you think you're overreacting? I mean, she hasn't done…anything…yet…" she said in growing horror as her eyes strayed down the page by accident. "Oh God."

"What, what does she do, Temari-san?" asked Hinata nervously.

Neji leaned over the horrified Suna-nin's shoulder. "Uh…Hinata-sama, I don't think you want to know."

"Friggin Mary-Sues," growled Jiraiya. "He's a shark-man, for crying out loud!"

"Can I skip this?" begged Temari. "Please?

"Oh, please do," said Hinata enthusiastically. The group sighed in relief as Temari rifled through nine (nine?!) pages.

_Back in Sunny Gaara wok up nekst to Katsumi. "taht was fun' he said._

"What was fun?" asked Temari suspiciously.

"Remember how I was in a good mood this morning?" replied Gaara conversationally. "Yeah, that didn't last long."

"Are they doing it again?" asked Ino as she looked over Temari's shoulder. "Aw, come on! They're doing it again!"

Temari skimmed the scene. "Oh wow, Gaara, what _are_ you doing with this girl?"

"It's just weird that you're reading that," commented Kiba.

"Oh god no, I'm not reading this," laughed Temari. "But I have to look at it to see where it ends. Oh, here we go!"

_Whe they wer dun thye wet 2 go c if Sasuke-kun and Mitsuki-chan were awayck. Sauruka-slut wuz paiszed out durnmk._

"Sakura-slut?" asked Temari skeptically.

"Don't. Even. Ask," growled the pink-haired kunoichi through gritted teeth.

_aS they wen toutside Temrai blocked nthe way. "like, get ot of da way bitdh," sed Mitsuki sexcily._

"_Yea like taths so roud!' laffed Katsumi._

_Rudley Tameri wudnt move. "I dunt beleev ur a ninja!"_

"_Yah we tchallenj u 2 a fite!" sed Kankruo._

"Finally!" yelled the real Sasuke.

"Don't get your hopes up, kid," said Jiraiya. "She's a Mary-Sue. She'll win."

"But…but…but…" protested Ino. "But Temari and Kankuro are jonin! Mitsuki's been a ninja for four days!"

"And Katsumi's not even a ninja!" added Tsunade.

"Yet," muttered Kurenai under her breath.

_They cleerd off a spays and Mitsuki and Kaknoru went frist. Kankuro used a dum puopped. "Go Krassoo!"_

"Does she mean…" began Temari uncertainly.

"Probably," interrupted Shizune. "You'll get used to it after a while. This person couldn't spell to save her life, and even the simplest of names are impossible for her. It's ridiculous!"

'_Liek ewwwwww that's sooooooooooo ulgy!" sqkeewlsd Mitsuki. "Hoe do u win wit hugly stuffz, only pritty pelope can win!_"

Nobody quite knew how to react to that profoud declaration.

"_Yah, like ttly!" giggld Katsumi. "i thot every1 new that! Onyl spritty peepl win! Ulgy ppl nevr go anywere in lief!"_

"_Yay u go Mitsuki-chan" cheered Sasuke-kun._

_Anywayz Kankruno trid to hit Mitsuki wit hhis spuerugley puppet thigny byt Mitsuki dodjed it sexily. "O no!" sed Kanruko "shes clearly a gr8 ninja I cant hoep to beet her!"_

"What?" asked Naruto. "She dodged one hit. How is that amazing?"

"Missing one attack certainly does not make Kankuro lose all hope in a fight," insisted Gaara.

"Where is Kakashi-sensei during all this?" wondered Sakura. "I mean, not that I mind him being left out. At all."

_He truyd another dubm attak but Mitsuki stopped it, heres waht she did. The puppet came at hre butt she was so fassst tat wen she mooved the shokwayv destroyed it._

"_No! Carsuo!" yellde Kanruko. But Mitsuki chargjde at him "Chidori!" she showted and he esckxpollded._

Utter. Silence.

"Oh, HELL no," exploded Sasuke. "It took me an entire month of coughing up blood and working my ass off to learn that move! She's been with us for a week, no training whatsoever, while traveling, AND she doesn't even have the Sharingan!" he shouted.

"Ladies and gentlemen," said Naruto, "yet more proof that Sasuke hates when someone outdoes him."

"Screw that, it just makes no sense!" said the very angry Uchiha. "_God_ I hate this girl!"

Gaara and Temari were meanwhile examining the book. "Does it say he…exploded?" the Kazekage asked uncertainly.

"Oh my god, she killed him!" murmured Temari.

"Isn't that grounds for a declaration of war?" wondered Tsunade. "I mean, you can't be telling me they're going to allow that."

"Apparently, they are," said Temari. "See, here:

_Yay Kanrukos ded!" shoted Sunny._

_Cool he was ugl yanyway!" saiud Gaara._

"_OMFG tahts soooooo kewl u no Chidori!" said Sasuke. "Ur amazin Mitsuki-chan!"_

"_Yea shes the best ninja I ever seen!" Kakashi aid._

The real Sasuke has to be held back as he screamed wordless objections.

_Hten ist was time for Katsumi to fite sutpid Temair._

"Oh, this should be good," muttered Tenten in anticipation, perhaps remembering her defeat at the Chuunin Exams.

_Temrai brot ouwt her stupdi fan that was soo ugley. Katsumi laffed ant ger. "Like OOOOMMMGGG that fans so big you ttly can't uose itt!"_

"_Yeah welll…shutop, u suk!" sad Temari angrylie._

_Gaaragapsed. "Haw dare you diss my Katsumi-chan! Im disowninj u!"_

"Oh wow," said Shizune. "And Temari was so nice when you first met her…"

"Yeah Temari, how could you?" asked Sakura in mock reproach.

"This is ridiculous," muttered Kiba, shaking his head.

_Katsumi tuk out 2 fans that weree normal seizsed, becuz figting wuth fans is so cpreety and kewl. One ov the fans sed 'beauty' on it and the ohter sed 'amazing.' They wer silver wit hblue wood adn purpl lettrs._

"_Stupid wind Jutsoo!" sed Temrairi and she madke a rlly week tornaadoe. Katsumi smyld and it was so skarey that Temriri was scarde._

"This is depressing," said Gaara.

"She really, really doesn't know how to write," said Jiraiya with a wistful nod.

"_Aewsome Power of Lurv no Jutsu!" yellked Katsumi. She spinned her fans arownd and marde a amzasing worlwirnd. Wen the sand clerad Temaeri was on de rgound unkonshus._

"_yay Katsumi-chan" ceerd Mitsuki._

"_I won becuz I hav majikal powwerxz!" sed Katsumi._

"_Yah she can see the futoore, its relllly cooooool" Gaara tols the./m_

"Wait, wait, wait," interrupted Kurenai. "She can SEE the FUTURE?"

"Screw that, how is she saying I'd go down that easily?" raged the Suna kunoichi.

"Why are we still reading this? Can we stop? Please?" begged Hinata. "Can somebody please give me one good reason why we're still reading this?"

There was silence. Tsunade shrugged. "It's been a slow week. We honestly have nothing better to do."

"That works," Hinata replied. "Temari-san, continue." Neji just shook his head at the absurdity of it all.

'_Thast soi cool show us plz Katsumi!" beggd Nartuo. Katsumi sed OK and clozed her eyesx._

_a goldne hallo appreead over her hed. Pink adn purlep and silver and gold sparklezz appearderd and swoirlsd around her./ Whn she opnd her eyes they gloewyd white and she letvitated off the grond._

"You have got to be kidding me," said Neji. "I mean seriously. Come on!"

"Not to mention she now has Hyuga-eyes," Naruto pointed out.

"_Liek OMEFFING GGGG!" Katsumi hapegsd. "aKATSOOKY IS plamnning to attack Knohoha! WE gots to go bak!"_

"Who's 'we'?" asked Ino. "Isn't she a Suna-nin?"

"_That horirbele! Lets go!" sasid Mitsuki._

_Lol tahst the end of the chapprtet! I no u lived it dotn liey! Mitsuki and Katsumu r sooooo kewl arnet they! See ya soon!_

_Draye: WFman vigrins arent pervs then they wuldnt be virgins adn im not 12 im SEVNETIEN so t here!!_

_catwin: I got oschool and im te smartste one in my claz! Ur jelus!_

_sarahlilly95: stfu ur a bithc_

_emuroo:ino hakxcers are asshloes. they wer relly pretty wernet they!_

_TheOneShotGirl" lyke ttly! Yaorti is sooooooo gross!_

_IOwnYourShoes: ur so meen my frend Tara almost went emo cuz of flames! And u cant rite so ur just hatin on the ppl that can!_

_CandyCoatedCute: its easy just put urself in and make her ttly awesome evry2 noes that purfcte ppl are awesom1_

_100-percent-hp-fan: lol wy wold spelling evr sane my lif?e r u kigdding those songs r totly aewsome cuz they sang sthem!_

_SEE YALLS ZOON ITS GUNNA BE AWESZONE!!!!_

"Kill me now," mumbled Sasuke.

"What are you complaining about? You were barely in this one!" said Jiraiya.

"And I wasn't in it at all!" announced Sakura happily.

"Are the rest of us even going to be in this story?" wondered Kiba. "Not that I'm complaining if we're not, of course."

Temari passed the book to Ino, who was quickly flipping through her chapter. "Oh, we're in it all right," she said grimly. "Now shut up so I can get this over with."

**I'm happy with this chapter. I really love it so much.**

**Okay, after Ino is a hack chapter. After her, mind you…this means I'm going to need one soon. If you so choose to write one, just know that you write the actual hack, and then I fill in what the characters' reactions to it are.**

**Draye: Oh poo, it's not like I was actually going to.**

**catwin: yeah, she did…let's ust be thankful Kankuro wasn't here. That would have been bad. And by bad I mean entertaining as hell.**

**sarahlilly95: oh, thank you so much!**

**neji'sgirl236: thanks! I do so love cookies.**

**TheBrokenQuill: I think he's in shock, but maybe later I'll have PFU27 mutilate his character and provoke him into attacking the book.**

**emuroo: Well, every Hokage needs at least some common sense. Heh.**

**Liah Cauthon: No, Emerald's birthday is different than mine, god I sound like I have DID. Hers is November 2****nd****. Happy belated!**

**ILoveDennis: oh, but torturing them is just so **_**fun…**_

**Adriannrod Svit-Kona Sama: I know! I always prided myself that at least MY horrible Mary-Sues knew how to spell. Can't say the same for PFU27, sadly.**

**TheOneShotGirl: It's a rite of passage, everyone needs to read it sometime. Wow, I love that story.**

**KickAssKunoichi: You'll feel even sorrier once he actually hooks up with Amaya.**

**craZy goth friendZ: thanks!**

**IOwnYourShoes: go for it, that would be lovely.**

**CandyCoatedCute: haha, you're awesome. Yeah, they 'make the plot awesome'…if 'make awesome' is defined as 'mutilate beyond recognition.'**

**100-percent-hp-fan: oh, thank you! Flames are rather fun, aren't they?**

**yolen: oh, you flatter me.**

**SkywardShadow: thus do you experience Mitsuki's true plot for world domination: death by laughter!**

**SeeminglyAngelic: 'real story,' heh.**


	9. In Which Kiba Barks

**I really am sorry I didn't write for so long. I had other stories and real life kept rearing its ugly head, I was sick for a week and then had to work on three shows, then finals, camp, and on top of it all I'm now dating someone, so saying that fanfiction wasn't at the top of my to-do list is not an exaggeration.**

**Enjoy the chapter!**

"It just occurred to me that more than one of us is going to die in this story," announced Shizune.

Temari rubbed her forehead. "They already got Kankuro, didn't they?"

"I'm probably next," said Sakura moodily. "I mean, not that I _mind_ or anything, but it's a little bit annoying to see myself brushed aside for that crack whore."

"Sakura!" gasped Hinata.

Sasuke said nothing.

"Of course, we don't even technically have to be reading this," said Kurenai as she headed towards the door in a wildly transparent attempt to get away. Tsunade pushed her back into her seat. "We're reading till the end," she said, glaring murderously.

"You might be dead, too," observed Jiraiya. "I mean, there's a big chance she might be made Hokage. That's usually how these stories go." Naruto gaped. Jiraiya shrugged. "I'm just saying how it is!"

"I don't think I'll even be in it," said Tenten hopefully. "I have no reason to think that, of course, but a girl can dream."

"You're in it," Ino informed her sourly. "Can I please get this over with?" She whapped Neji on the head with the book. "Wake up!"

"Well sorry, it's been a long day!"

_And den thyme got back to Knohoha. They went tp go see Sunnyday—_

"'Sunnyday'?" asked Tsunade. "Is that supposed to be me? SUNNYDAY?"

_and gvae her the mishin wreport. "Everythng went aswesum becuz Mitsuki-chan saved us' sed Kakasih._

"_and we met Katsumi-chan!" said Naruto who wuz tootallly perving. Liek, cuz they were so preety andz stuffs._

"_OK u guys r awesuume so you get teh rezt if the month off." So den dy tlef and went to go c evry1 elce._

"Everyone else?" asked Kiba tentatively.

"That's what it says," replied Ino tersely. _"Wen they got outsydde a dog barkd. "tahs Kiba," sed Nartuo._

'_O wut a kyewt doggy!" sqeels Mitsuki. "Whos the cioot guy?"_

"_That's Achymaru," sed Sasuke-kun. 'But u don't rly think hes cuter then me, do u?" he wuz zcsared cuz i9f Mitsuki-chan left him he didn' tkwon wut 2 do!_

_of corse not sillie," gigglsd Mitsuki. _

Kiba sank to the floor in disbelief. "For one thing, I don't know if it's flattering or not to be called cute by her. For another, she got us mixed up!"

"Well, you're being compared unfavorably to Sasuke," said Tsunade, "but considering the context I don't think that's a bad thing."

Sasuke said nothing.

_Kibuhlicked Mitsukis leg and strted hunmmping her. "oh he lykes uu!" sed Akimary. "hey its tiume for team 8 tomeet so come wiv us and wecanintodrus u 2 evry1 elzse!"_

"_OK COOL!" SEd Mitsuki._

_A bluhaird gurl stick her hed out of a treee. "omg hawt!' she sed whn she sauw Mitsuki._

"Oh no…" moaned Neji when he saw where this was going. "Not Hinata…"

Sakura pondered this new development for a while. "I think we're okay. Anything that this person shows Hinata doing is bound to be so unlike the real HInata that we won't even be able to recognize them as the same person."

"What?" Naruto looked at everyone in the circle. "What's happening? I don't get it."

"You will, kid," said Jiraiya shortly. "You will."

"And then you'll have nightmares for the rest of your life," added Kurenai.

Ino glared. "Shut UP and LET ME FINISH!"

_Dis is HInatra," sed Akamari. "Sehs relly shy ands stuffz so she wont talk to yuo." butt HInrtata lookd at Mitsuki agen and sed "ur rlly pretty mitsuki-san."_

"_OMG tnhaks!" yelld Mitsuki. "but lyke ur relly shy and stuffz so we need to work on thyat!' she sed, winking int Natruo's direcshun._

The real Hinata's face compared favorably to a tomato at this point. Naruto noticed nothing, thankfully.

_Kiba barrkd and sume1 else showsd up. "hi I'm 1010—"_ Ino squinted. "I think…what?"

"Let me see." Jiraiya leaned over to look at the page. "She means Tenten."

"_hi I'm 1010! sed this on egurl wit borngi brown haeir in 2 bunds. "N dus iz Negi." A dude w/long heri grunted cuz he didn't ee like ppl, but wen he sawd Mitsuki he wavd and sed hi. 'Nice 2 meet u" sed Mitsuki._

_Tentne got rly jeluz then cuz Meji lurved Mitsuki and shewantd Neji 4 hersefl!_

Neji shot an inquiring look at Tenten, who gnawed on her bread angrily and made violent gestures and the fuzzy pink book in Ino's hands.

"I wonder if Team 10 will be mentioned at all," mused Shizune.

_Then a rly pretty persun bt ttly not as buttyful as Mitsuki_ shoed up. "Lok this is Kuraneye-sensee,' sed Hineata. 'shes ttly awesum."_

_:hi guys, I herad the mission went rly good!" seaid Kurnie. "yeah' sed Sasuke "its all cuz of Mitsuki-chan."_

_Mitsuki blushed. "stoppppp ur makin me blsuh!" she gigld. "but yeah I am kindea awsume!_

"Is she serious?" asked Sakura. "Wow, she's conceited!"

"We already knew that, though," Tsunade reminded her.

_an den they al lwnet to getra men. Hintada and Akemaru steyhde behind. "hey Hinata whyd you keep syaing shhe wuz realllyly purety?'_

"_cuz she is" hinata blushed more._

"_yha but ur a girl" he sed and kiba brksed._

'_I no but I tibfhnk im in lurve wi8th her" sed hinkata._

"_ew u lesbo whoejre" and Akyrwaru left_

Kiba glanced at Hinata. "Just so you know, I would never say that to you."

"Thank you, Kiba," she replied stiffly. "It makes me feel so much better."

_Hinatsa didnty no that Mitsuki knew abotur her crushhh! Mitsuki-chan was rly gud reeding pplz and she new alllllll aboutojf it! she wuz rly happy to knoww taht she waz prutty enuf that evin girls likkd her._

_ANd why nout? SHe wuz absutloyterly beyootuifull. ov cors peeeoplee wood lurve ehr._

"I'm done, I'm done, I'm DONE!" sang Ino gleefully.

"Except for the reviews," said Jiraiya. "You have to read the review responses."

Ino glared at him. "I know!"

_sarahlilly95: focurse I no wht plot is!_

_Adriannrod Svit-Kona Sama: OMG IKNWO RITE??!_

_catwin: it ztotlly truoe!_

_emuroo: liek totally_

_Alicia Kawa Uchiha: wtf Sasuke's name itsnt Gary! an u sed it yurself sparksly goo is pretty! Gtfo if nu don't like it don't reed it!_

_CandyCoatedCute: omg I lurrrve smeyers! TEMM EDWARD 4EVAR isntit so kewl how teh cvampotires sprakle?_

**Christ, I feel for Kiba. Can I maybe get more people flaming her? I feel like she has too much support right now…Don't forget to review both of us!**

**sarahlilly95: because I have awesome powers of plot.**

**Adriannrod Svit-Kona Sama: what? how could you ever say Mitsuki-chan's not unique! (I wholeheartedly agree with you)**

**iUchibi: Of course not, pfu27 would never split up her perfect couple.**

**Akizakura: I try. : )**

**kally-kal: thanks!**

**SkywardShadow: When they run into Amaya they'll be bestest friends forever, DUH. fanfiction dot net slash squigglything prettyfairyunicorn27.**

**catwin: well, I do love to make them suffer.**

**YellowFlash-x: thanks! not good to make people think you're insane…then they might start getting **_**ideas…**_

**Thin Air: I enjoy making my favorite blueberry-emo-muffin squirm.**

**neji'sgirl236: sorry, sorry!**

**emuroo: don't worry about it. Someone would probably end up strangling her out of sheer spite before she got far enough to influence anything.**

**KickAssKunoichi: Maybe she will, maybe she won't…tomato tomahto.**

**ManicBlueRose: One or two of them will show up later, yes.**

**gingystar555: don't punch babies! They don't like her either!**

**Midami Uchiha of the sand: thanks!**

**craZy goth friendZ: thankzorz. Hobbies are overrated, anyway!**

**heartbrokenonceagain: glad to know I make people happy.**

**Kirazu Haruka: thank you!**

**Althia9: Please, you and I both know that if Itachi spoke l33t, he would be **_**amazing**_** at it. Unicorn-chan also knows this.**

**Alicia Kawa Uchiha: well, I'm ready when you are!**

**Shukaku-chan: and I wouldn't mind getting a hack chapter if you write one.**

**sunset89raven: come ON, it won't be that easy! There's gotta be an exciting battle, and then they get together out of true love! Or as consolation prizes. You choose.**

**CandyCoatedCute: Don't talk to me about Twilight. That relationship is just plain unhealthy.**

**Jo: hope you keep laughing!**

**CommandoGirl: not sure if that's actually a compliment, but hey.**

**MutsumonoSatori: many more horrors are to come.**

**iBlitz: fanfiction dot net slash squigglything prettyfairyunicorn27.**


	10. In Which I Embarass Hinata Again

**WHASSUP MAH BITCHEZ? It **_**has**_** been an exciting year, hasn't it? Merry Christmas and a very Happy Hanukkah to whomever it may concern! (I happen to celebrate both)**

* * *

Jiraiya accepted the book from Ino, who practically shoved it on him. He seemed to be the only one who didn't mind any of it. "I've read too many of these," he said by way of explanation. 'Ah! A hack!"

_prettyfairyunicorn27 smiled leaning back on her computer chair staring happily at the screen. It was done. The latest chapter of __"Ryomance__Undoer the Mounligt Sky"__ was done and it contained everything she needed for a typical Mary-Sue fanfic. Slutty ninjas who slept with guys within the first five minutes of meeting them, fights that were ended in a typically stupid biased fashion, and girls whose bra sizes were bigger than their brain cell count. Smiling even wider she began to upload it onto the site ready for her worshipping followers to tell her how wonderful how amazing her writing was, how awesomely perfect Mitsuki is. _

"The thing is, I don't think she would actually know what she's doing," commented Kurenai.

Shizune agreed. "Remember how much she complains when people call her a Mary-Sue?"

Sakura shrugged. "Look, someone's about to kick her ass in story form. Nitpicking isn't really necessary right now."

_But just as it was nearly done uploading, the screen changed. Fuzzy and blurred, the image was jumping around on the screen like the T.V during __The Ring. __Then it went completely black. She angrily jumped up, screaming and shouting at the computer in her retarded text language that only she could understand, when something happened to make her stop._

"A random shuriken through the spine?" asked Tenten hopefully.

"_Lay the fuck off, bitch," the computer snarled in a sleek and sexy, but evil at the same time, voice._

"See, what I don't get is what's a computer?" wondered Naruto.

"A thing from her world," Jiraiya handwaved impatiently. "Shut up, something's about to happen!"

_Confused, prettyfairyunicorn27 walked around to the front of the screen. She noticed that it was no longer blackened or jumpy, but instead showed a man. A man with long black hair tied up in a loose ponytail at the back of his neck but with bangs falling across his scarlet, tired eyes his leaf village headband with a single scratch on his forehead. Itachi Uchiha. _

Sasuke rubbed his temples. "I'm really starting to wonder how an ignorant girl from a far away land knows so much about S-class missing-nin."

_To any _Naruto_ fan this man struck fear in the hearts of all. But to a Mary-Sue fangirl like prettyfairyunicorn27, all she could do was drool, glued to her seat as he walked forward to the front of the screen and began to climb out using his destroy-the-stupid-Mary-Sue jutsu. Mary-Sue couldn't do anything but ogle his body as he straightened up from the computer table and the kunai in his hand went to her throat. Finally realizing the trouble she was in she began to whimper incoherently._

"You know, Sasuke, not for nothing but I think I might have to appreciate Itachi just this once," said Kiba tentatively. Sasuke shrugged.

"I don't even know my priorities anymore, Kiba. Whatever."

"_You are weak," he snarled in the same go-pick-out-your-coffin-and-come-back-so-I-can-kick-your-ass voice Sasuke had used earlier. "Why are you weak? Because you lack… brain cells!"_

Ino snickered.

_Mary-Sue couldn't do anything but piss her pants as he activated his Mangekyo Sharingan, trapping her in a world where she couldn't do anything but watch the characters do various yaoi acts on each other. Smirking Itachi walked up to the cage she was trapped in. _"In the world of the Tsukuyomi, the Nightmare Realm, I control everything. Over the next seventy-two hours, I will continue cutting you with my sword. _However," he sighed, looking at his watch, "I don't have time so I will have to let my foolish little brother torture you by making you watch as he gives Naruto head." Smirking widely he waved her a goodbye "Have fun!"_

"Just when I was starting to think he was actually good for something!" muttered Tsunade wistfully as Naruto turned a faint shade of purple and Sasuke had to bite his lip to refrain from saying anything.

_And the best part of this plan? No one could hear her scream._

_Back in Konoha, Sasuke, Naruto, Sakura and Mitsuki all sat around in a circle in the middle of the training grounds. The three real leaf ninja staring confused at the fraud, the silence stretching out between them, seemingly endless until Naruto decided to voice what was on everybody's mind._

"_And you are?"_

_Mitsuki stared at the boy before sticking one a smile almost as hideous as her. "Naruto u kno me. I is your fasvouright teem m8 Mitsuki-chan u kno mwe Saskuke?"_

"It's great when the hacker utilizes this inane language to greater effect than the real author," commented Neji.

_Sasuke stared at the girl with his usual emo look "I'm with dobe. Who are you?"_

_Sakura, being the only one who remembered Mary-Sue Mitsuki, grinned. She kept her mouth shut in revenge for Mitsuki's being such a stupid slutty bitch who stole her Sasuke as the two boys stood up, glaring at the girl._

Sakura snapped her fingers. "Revenge is wonderful and all, but if it ever comes down to this I do NOT want to remember her. Or any of this, really." Agreement was unanimous throughout the room.

"Where is Katsumi during all this?" asked Gaara. "Not that I WANT to hear more about her, I just want to see her destroyed as well!" he added hurriedly.

"_She must be an enemy ninja," Sasuke growled, getting up and walking away from her with Sakura and Naruto. "She doesn't speak English and we don't know her; she clearly doesn't have a reason to be here!"_

"Although she does have a Konoha forehead protector," mused Tsunade. "Which is apparently my fault, even though I would never give one to someone such as her."

_Shocked Mitsuki got to her feet running after them. "Stop!1" she shouted desperately. "Sauke kujm u ; love me realy. Remember im ur mitsukishann!!oneeleven!!1"_

_Sasuke didn't even bother to reply to her but instead carried on walking. Even more desperate, she began to chase after them not realizing she was walking straight onto a busy road. Then a _

_Monster truck slammed right into her side! Gasping she felt a sharp stabbing pain in her stomach, but was too lady like to scream (besides sluts like her only use their mouths for oral) then she saw a bright white light and all pain was gone._

_She was dead. _

"FREEDOM!" shouted Sasuke suddenly, shocking everyone in the room with his outburst.

"But, isn't that how she got to Konoha in the beginning?" asked Hinata quietly. "So where will she go now?"

Temari stared at the ceiling, eyes glazed. "Anywhere but here. Beyond that I don't give a damn."

_Smiling Hinata jumped out of the truck "HA!!" she screamed "That's what you get for making me a lesbian, you whore!"_

_In the distance Gai stood next to Kakashi, watching the results as Team 7 and Hinata left Mitsuki's corpse on the ground and walked away._

"_So, my eternal rival!" Gai boomed "It seems Itachi was right! Attacking the head of the Sues with Sharingan will make all others with any brain capacity forget and turn against her, clever!"_

_Kakashi smiled under his mask. For once all was right in the world._

"That is so Kakashi-sensei," muttered Naruto.

_Two years later_

_When the team released Mitsuki couldn't be killed because of her demon they gave her to Pein in exchange for leaving Naruto alone. She now spends her days in agonizing torture._

"Wait, wouldn't they just extract the demon?" asked Gaara with no small confusion, given his past experiences with Akatsuki.

"Are you saying you _don't_ want her in pain?" said Jiraiya, scrutinizing him. The Kazekage glared at him.

_The Akatsuki Mary-Sue was killed within her first day in the organization for inquiring to weather Deidara was male or female. Kisame then hooked up with Itachi and decided he didn't give a flying fuck about her. Itachi taught the rest of the leaf ninja how to reverse a Mary-Sue attack._

The group turned their heads towards Sasuke, who seemed to be trying to erase that image from his mind, to no avail. "I make no comment on Itachi's sexuality, actual or perceived."

_The grateful Elders allowed him back into the village. However, he was soon kicked out again for feeding Sai fish sticks and making him stand next to Kisame. Sai is still in intensive care._

Tsunade furrowed her brow. "For the record, I don't _think_ we'd be allowed to do that."

"Let him back in or kick him out again for that?" asked Shizune.

"Um, both."

_Still an emo child, Sasuke left the village and joined Orochimaru. Three days later he remembered that he was deathly afraid of snakes and returned home. He soon got together with Sakura and repopulated the Uchiha name._

Sasuke and Sakura refused to meet each other's eyes.

_Hinata soon after Mitsuki's disappearance realized she was straight and told Naruto her feelings. They now are dating and spend most of their time at the Ramen stall._

Hinata closed her eyes and turned a bright red, sinking down in her chair and wanting to disappear.

"Wait, what?" asked Naruto. "Hinata, do you like me?"

A barely visible nod was the only response; the shy blue-haired girl seemed to have disappeared into her jacket. Naruto sat back with an unreadable yet slightly perplexed look on his face.

_Ino released Kiba and Akamaru from the mind/body switch jutsu and let them go back to normal. Kiba still enjoys the odd bowl of Krunchy Kibble._

_Gaara, terrified to find some random slut in his bed, crushed her with his Sand Burial. He now lives in Suna with his cat Cuddles and has never been happier. Kankuro woke up after realizing he fell asleep during battle instead of dying after a shitty-no-talent jutsu attack. He is now working with Tsunade to try and find a cure for his narcolepsy._

"There is no cure for narcolepsy," said Sakura indignantly. "Tsunade, have you bee holding out on me?"

_prettyfairyunicorn27 is now living in a mental institution after being classified as mentally retarded. She never recovered from Itachi's attack and has never gone near a computer or __Naruto__ again._

_And they all lived happily ever after._

"I guess that makes sense," said Tenten. "Although I never got a resolution."

Jiraiya smirked and passed the book to Naruto, who accepted it without a word. He opened it to his chapter, not looking at Hinata or, for that matter, anyone in the room.

* * *

**OOOOH, DRAMAZ! Thanks to hannahdykins for the hack. Please DO NOT review the hacker or Unicorn-chan for this chapter, as it will be ignored…your reviews for chapter 9 will be answered by Unicorn-chan next time!**

**MutsomonoSatori: Hey, I am fully capable of writing Mitsuki in such a way that Hinata falling in love would be perfectly plausible. Mitsuki's character is a thing to be bent to my every command.**

**Darantha: It's very difficult to write as well.**

**Midami Uchiha of the sand: You see? Everything works out!**

**Yakumo2112: I do what I can to entertain the world. (bow)**

**cookiechild: Well, I like to think that Unicorn-chan saw at least through the original Naruto, but stopped watching the filler when she realized there was no Sasuke; she never saw Shippuden, and picked up all her knowledge thereof through hearsay and fanfiction. Which explains a LOT, doesn't it?**

**sarahlilly95: She'll get what's coming to her.**

**KickAssKunoichi: Oh, thank you so much!**

**Adriannrod Svit-Kona Sama: Well hey, me too! Whaddaya know. On that note, I feel like I should address this somehow.**

**Alienne: That's me; check the email address. Think of it as a social experiment to see how people would react to her in the real world.**

**xXxJaycee81196xXx: Thank you, I do what I can!**

**emuroo: I love to pick on Hinata, but I always come back and reward her for being so wonderful!**

**craZy goth friendZ: Oh, there's PLENTY more coming from that department.**

**catwin: Short, yes, but isn't it so worth it?**

**Izzy the Lizard: He wasn't going to, but a lot of people are asking for it! I may just have to change my mind.**

**Charged: And thank you as well!**

**Kohane-chama: Thank you, we'll see what happens!**

**Claamchowder: Ah, the joys of satire. Parody is fun!**

**Zenacia: I love to torment my favorite blueberry emo muffin (hugs Sasuke plushie)**

**pistachio53: YES! Goal achieved!**

**CommandoGirl: Oh, you flatter me.**

**Well, it seems like people are really responding to Suefic-Hinata's storyline! I feel I should note, however, that Unicorn-chan's views in no way reflect my own except when they do, and under absolutely no circumstances am I taking a dig at lesbians when I turn Suefic-Hinata into one. I rather think my girlfriend would object to that.**

**See you next time!**


	11. Just How Important is Continuity Anyway?

Hinata was staring upwards, conveniently avoiding anyone's eyes. Naruto looked around the circle, and everybody else looked everywhere but at Naruto or Hinata. Naruto gave a little cough and glanced down at the book.

"Oh, look at that, this one isn't a hack," he announced to nobody in particular.

_OKAY GAIYS I GET IST Kibas not tghe fog Akamiuru is teh dog! STFU I emade a misyteake lay off!_

"Oh, GOOD," sighed Kiba. "That one was really bothering me!"

"She made _a_ mistake?" asked Tsunade incredulously. "As opposed to, say, _multiple_ mistakes?"

_OMFG fuckin b itch hacker i AM NOT MERNTALLI retiarded! liek wtf!_

"She sure about that one?" asked Kurenai dryly.

_dumasses need to learn mANNERSXZ! No more hakin plzzease! I chahined my paswerd AGAIn so THER! y7oul NEVR gueyss tghatis oen!_

"Oh, yes, _we're_ the ones that need to learn manners," muttered Ino. "Keep telling yourself that, whore!"

"I wonder what her password is," asked Sasuke idly. "Something dumb?"

Gaara looked at the ceiling. "It's probably Mitsuki or Katusmi or someone. Maybe Amaya?"

"Okay, OKAY, we're all going to shut up now, because Naruto has to read, and if anyone gets out of reading it's sure not gonna be this little punk," declared Tsunade loudly.

_"SO LIEK tenoen, why hasnt uyou an Nejj hookd up yet?" kdasced Mitsuki. "i meen u totally shud ur perfect! (they ttlky r u guyz! u kwon it!)_

Now it was Tenten's turn to avoid anyone's eyes, this time by closing her own tightly. Neji reddened noticeably. "Good thing Gai-sensei's not here," whispered Sakura to Shizune. Both women giggled as they imagined the passionate sensei's reaction to the idea that two of his students were in love.

_"uh welll itsc ocmeplictated" sed Tentne lamely. "i meen like jhe's rioch and stuffs."_

_"psh pleez i culd totally convince shidfk fmaiemly fro u" ;affed Mitsuki. "SO what iafre youy watingit for?"_

"Um, I think Father actually likes you, Tenten-san," ventured Hinata. "He thinks you're a really good ninja."

"Thank you, Hinata," said Tenten with a strained smile.

_"omgthanks! ur soooo nicre Mitsuki-chjan1!" and den Tenten turned aroudn. "Hey NEjji!"_

_"Yah?"_

_"leik wanna go ouyt? or somefin?" cuz Tentnent was rly shy._

"Shy she is not," commented Kurenai as Tenten smacked Neji across the face.

"What was that for?" Neji said indignantly. "What did_ I_ do?"

Tsunade patted his shoulder. "This story brings out the worst in everyone."

_NEjhi blusshed "um um surre okay elts go see amovie."_

"Aw, look, Mitsuki gets to solve everyone's problems," said Kiba. "Isn't she great."

"By the end of the story we'll all be living on smiles and sunshine and Mitsuki will rule the world," added Tsunade.

_When dthey were at the movei Neji ptui his arm artouygnd Tentens shoudler. she whitspedr to Mitsuki "omg Mitsuki idk whatt o do!"_

_"Go for ti gurl! make ur move!" Mitsuki gace Tentne a litke kiss on da cvheik fro encouragement._

"So when guys make out it's ew, but for girls its okay?" wondered Hinata.

"Well, yeah. It's one of the core rules of porn," Jiraiya stated matter-of-factly.

_Tenten held Neji's hadn wnad and kissde himf ont de lipz. THen they stopedpo makin out and sdid something waayayaayaaaaay mroe dirty!_

"What, right in the movie theater?" asked Jiraiya. "I think I wrote a novel like that once."

Ino looked at him. "Why?" she asked in a pained voice. "Movie theaters are _so_ dirty, that's disgusting. And with everyone watching!"

_Mitsuki smiled knwogin she ahd dine a fgoood deed._

"Yes, getting them arrested for public exposure is a very good deed," commented Sasuke with a very straight face.

"Amazing, the good things she does for people," Temari agreed. "Also, is the just sitting there watching them go at it? I mean, what?"

"Where's Katsumi during all this?" Gaara wanted to know. "And what about the oncoming Akatsuki invasion? Is that not happening anymore?"

"Welll, Gaara," said Temari with wide eyes, "isn't it obvious? Akatsuki spied on Konoha and saw that Mitsuki was so amazing they didn't want to attack anymore!"

_That night Sasuke left. _

"Well that was abrupt," stated Neji. "And now that Mitsuki's made someone's life better, on to the next plot point!"

"Do they even count as plot points anymore? I mean, is there a plot? Can someone please explain the plot?" begged Ino.

_When Mitsuki was asleep he got out of bed (they had a LTO of fun earlier! haha!) and packed some stuf. THen he left Konohonoha. _

"Wait, what fun?" asked Gaara. "I call foul, she didn't write that one out! Did you skip it?" He grabbed the book from Naruto.

"I didn't skip anything!" Naruto protested. "She probably wanted to get on with the next part of the story!"

"WHAT story?" Ino reiterated.

Gaara handed back the book, dumbfounded. "She..._really_ wanted to start this part, I guess. She's changing her methods, I don't like it!"

_He met these 3 dudes outside. One of dem was rly fat and another had 4 arms and there was a dude wit 2 heards. "Hi nSasuke u cumin qwith us? sed teh fat guy. "I'm Joribo. An thats Kidmamaru and this si Sakun._

"Where's the, um, what-was-her-name? That girl that was with them?" asked Hinata.

"Tayuya?" Sasuke supplied. "Maybe she just really didn't like her."

_"Yea is Rochimura gona helfp me?" asked Sasuke. "Cuz I rly need to kill Itashin."_

"...Rochimura," repeated Jiraiya, desperately trying to keep a straight face. "_Rochimura._ Itashin and Rochimura. Is she even trying anymore?"

Kurenai's face was a bizarre misture of pity, disdain and disgust. "Was she ever trying?"

"Rochimura, Sunadie, I wonder what she'll turn 'Jiraiya' into," mused Temari.

_"Yeak ttly lets go" said Kidomary. "COme in eb4 someon stops us."_

_"ok" and they left. Mitsuki i hope u undretsnatd, Sasuket odlt himself cuz he promisded he would come bakc to fher._

"Oh, dear," said Tsunade quietly, looking at Sakura. The pink-haired kunoichi looked about ready to cry.

_"SASUKE-KUN NOOOOOOOOOOOO" _

_"wtf bitch?" asked Sakon as Mitsuki came. "No Mitsuki-chan theyll kill u!" sed Sasuke._

"No they won't, we're barely halfway through!" said Shizune. "If she dies now I'll eat Tonton."

_Mitsuki wuz weriarng a purpel sattinn lacy ni5tghahown_

"Oh, what?" complained Naruto, cutting himself off. "She stopped the scene to describe her clothes?"

"Yeah, that doesn't throw off the pacing at all," agreed Kurenai.

"I love how you're still trying to apply valid literary criticism to her writing," said Ino.

_lacy ni5ghahown and ehr bair was ina adoorabeelle poyntale. "Sasuke-kun u cant' leave! Why you leaving me?" said Mitsuki._

_"I GOtta kill myb brotha!"_

_"Duh, silly!" laffed Mitsuki. "I toally woulda helped! An you should kwnot to trusty thez guys tjhey workd fior Orichbimaru!"_

_"rly you would hedpl me?" sed Sasuke "OMG mitsuki-chan i love you! lets jkill dese guys!"_

Glancing at Saukra, Sasuke sensed an oncoming Awkward Moment. "Look, Sakura, it's... it's not like I would actually stay with her!"

"Sakura-chan, this is a dumb story," added Naruto. "That thing that she calls her Sasuke-kun? That's not him! And you're not a slut, and your name isn't Sauerkraut or whatever!"

"Yeah, the guy she's talking about isn't the Sasuke Uchiha we love to hate," said Kiba. Sasuke gave him a look that plainly said _thanks, Kiba, go choke on a dog biscuit._

Sakura nodded, swallowed a few times, and quickly ran a hand through her hair. "Go ahead, Naruto," she said with a small smile.

_"Nto so fast whorore!" yelld Ikmodaru. And eh shotted web and trapped Sasuke! ANd then Sukin started to artlack him!_

"Why are they attacking me? She's the one who insulted them," mumbled Sasuke.

_Mitsuki grabbd a nyfe frongm ehr cleavij and stbabdbed Jbrbo. Then Sakn trisd to lokoe up ehr skirt!_

_"Ohg no you dint!" Mitsuki ade a Shawdo CLone and appealrd behind Sakin and killed him! THen she put a ltog in the plave vof Sasuke and made an CHidori and killed Kidomaru_

"Aghhhh, again with the Chidori!" muttered Neji.

_"liek what" seid Jibrorbo but before deh cud do anything Sasuke burned all hsif fat and hei deid._

_So nto Saskue was gonna stay in Konoha1_!£

"I am _so_ confused I don't even know where to begin," said Sasuke.

"Hold on, hold on, still gotta read the reviews..." said Naruto.

_MutsomonoSatori: wtf thers no4tghing wrong with mi rbian!_

_Darantha: nobdoti carez abotu the spellogin thsere a;ll just here fgor the ryomanse anywya!_

_Midami Uchiha of the sand: of coruse he totoly woudl he's so opisessiv and manly liek that he cares abtou ehr he dont want akamearu to gvie her rabbis!_

_cookiechild: wel duh edwards nt a REL vmapire hes a vgeetarian vampirte!_

_sarahlilly95: ...wut about it?_

_KickAssKunoichi: NU UH hes MINE i callrd him first!_

_xXxJaycee81196xXx: shes nut conceited she jsut knwos she prety and eosnt believe in lyicng aborjt it!_

_emuroo: yah i aksed my fired but sje lookd at the sotyry and ;laffed at me idk whgy_

_catwin: y would i wryt abtou periods? ther gorss i dunt want o ruin wthe ashtory with that!_

_Izzy the Lizard: btu HInatas totoaly odsnt deversbe to eb qwith Narutpo shes so shy what are u, ah omophone?_

_Claamchowder: how maby time si gotta sya it IM NUT RETRADED!_

_Eveacia: ew wll he doesnt keep ehr for long heehee! and no Itchai dfuznd deservve a gil eh ruend Sasuke-kuns life!_

_That Patriotic Chick: I KWNO Garaa;s so adorabel and emo u jjst wanna hug him1!_

"See, the problem with that sentiment is that I like to injure people who hug me," said Gaara conversationally.

"Well, at least it's a step up from killing them," said Temari, patting him on the shoulder.

Naruto tossed the book to Kiba. "Have fun with it."

**(pokes head around corner, waving) Hi guys! I'm sorry, I know. There was college touring and standardized testing and a few personal issues-but now I'm at an internship program for the summer, and what better time to write fanfiction than when you're at work?**

**Next up is Kiba, and then a new reader is introduced! I'm excited, are you excited? Well you should be, a few people have been asking for him (I'm not excited).**

**SkywardShadow: Oh, god. Oh my god no. No no no no NO.**

**Midami: Yeah, totally. Although I would give the wheel to Sakura myself.**

**MutsomonoSatori: "giving head" is a euphamism for performing fellatio. And now you know! (And knowing is half the battle!)**

**xXxJaycee81196xXx: Ugh, and I hope they appreciate it. Can't stand NaruSasu myself.**

**Adrianrod Svit-Kona Sama: She wouldn't be able to wrap her head around the concept. And then she would explode!**

**Yakumo2112: Yes, and then all the world will know why we should have feared her in the beginning! AHAHA!**

**Narukashi666: If you send me a hack chapter, I would be eternally grateful. Please do so!**

**KickAssKunoichi: Subtle shipping is the best shipping.**

**sarahlilly95: Hinata will be alright, I promise.**

**catwin: Thank you!**

**0-phoenix-0: Oh, thank you!**

**See y'all around! (hopefully sooner this time...yeek!) I have big plans for Hinata next chapter. Big, exciting, terrifying plans.**


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